Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Sound of Settling

Apparently my last post was the big 170.

So here is the even bigger 171! There is no area code in the United States that is 171.

I've been on this kick lately, where I feel like my life is very meaningless. This is something I have been struggling with a lot recently. I feel like my failures greatly out-weigh my accomplishments, and frankly, this is not the way I want to live. So for the past few weeks I have been trying to compile a few different ideas as to what I want to do.

Long story short, I feel the need to do something life changing. The likely hood of this happening is little to none.

The best option seems to be joining the military. After doing quite a bit of research I decided on the Army. The Marines were my first choice, but since I have so many tattoos I cannot join. But that is okay, I have no regrets.

I have been looking into the Army, trying to decided when I would go, find what jobs I would do and so on. I was 75% sure I would be joining. The only thing that was holding me back was the fact that I would have to leave Van, and I really don't like the idea of that. I still sit and wait for a sign though, to show me what I should or shouldn't do.

Strangely enough, though, I think I kind of found it.

This morning, at about 6 AM, I had a dream.

Van and I were in a plane, waiting for it to take off. Everyone was seated, thick fog clouded the surrounding area. The pilot spoke over the loudspeaker, telling us that we were ready for take off. The engines started, the plane began to move forward, steadily gaining speed. It began to lift, as if slowly peeling gravity off of it in thick layers. Though, just as it started to leave the ground, it would slam back down, unable to break free from the runway. The captain came over the loudspeaker again, apologizing. He tried to lift the plane off again, but the same thing happened. We were nearing the end of the run-way. Finally, on the third try, the plane lifted. It accelerated upward, passing through the fog. It increased in altitude, then finally leveled out as it reached it's peak in the sky. Only then did it start to waver side to side. The plane shook violently as it began it's downward spiral. I then got a view of the front of the plane, as if a camera were stuck on the nose of it, pointing downward at the on-coming ocean.

All I really remember at this point, was the plane's rapid decent to the ground and the impact as it hit the ocean. I do not know how I got out of the plane, I do not know how I got my seat belt off. The next thing I remember is being swept away underwater, disoriented and hazy, my vision tunneling and my limbs weighing me down. Suddenly, I felt a hand on the back of my shirt-collar and heard Van's voice in my head saying "I gotcha...", then suddenly being pulled quickly upward. It was at this point that I woke up.

I feel like this dream means something, but I'm really not sure what. Its kind of making me lean more toward not joining the Army for some reason. We will see.

Now that I have gotten that out of my system, I would like to share something with you.

Archer Farms S'mores trail mix. It is strangely delicious and most likely very unhealthy.

BUT it tastes JUST like Dairy Queen's Pecan Mudslide (minus the caramel, plus graham cracker bits). I am strongly considering throwing some on top of ice cream. Delicious delicious...
I got it at Target, perhaps it can be purchased other places too. I then snacked on that and a bag of free popcorn while watching Kick Ass.

And as for you who are curious about Kick Ass, I give it a 6.8/10. Think a more comedic version of Watchmen, but with kids in it instead of adults. Also an hour shorter and no blue penis.