Today was a day of much-needed adventuring and business.
After sitting around the house for a week or so, it was nice to go out for a little.
Yeah, okay, I wandered around the mall for 6 hours, but it was better than sitting home alone doing nothing.
(Though...that could have been some valuable Fallout time...)

I found some parts for my Halloween costume, got some more tobacco for my hookah (which you can review on my other blog, if you click to my profile) and saw Jackass 3D.


Let me tell you, Jackass 3D was the best 11 dollars I have spent in a long time.
If you're into that kind of crap, I definitely recommend it. Plus, Johnny Knoxville is my "From-the-waist-up" celebrity crush. It gave me a much needed laugh, which I was thankful for.



Sometimes you just need to watch a guy get punched in the dick, you know?

As Promised

To any of you who haven't read my reviews before,
You will quickly learn that I specialize in tearing things apart.
I know, I know, this is unfair, but that is just how it is.
Unfortunately, the bad almost always outweighs the good.

If there is a movie where a basket of kittens get violently and graphically tortured, no one is going to give a shit if the protagonist finally gets with the love interest.

Violently and graphically tortured kittens outweigh a kiss.

The bad outweighs the good.

(I am in no way, shape, or form suggesting that a basket of kittens get violently and graphically tortured in The Social Network, so don't get your hopes up, sociopaths.)

Now, the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.

That is exactly what I'm doing here: admitting that I violently and graphically torture movies in my reviews.
So, I will try my hardest not to be to brutal with this one.


(Insert shitty "Windows Movie Maker" transition here)


The Social Network.


Let me start by telling you that I only had minimal knowledge of what this movie was about before I went to see it.
So little, actually, that about 40 minutes into the movie, I noticed what the main character's name was, leaned over to my friend, and said "Wait...Mark Zuckerburg? Isn't that the guy who made Facebook?"

No shit, Sherlock, go back to the kiddie table.

I though that this movie was a fictional tale about social networking, fabricated for the entertainment of the Internet-saturated youth of today.
Oh, was I wrong.

It turns out that this movie was the history of Facebook.

FACEBOOK!

REALLY?

Why would ANYONE be interest in seeing that?

Had I known that, I probably would have waited to rent it, accidentally kicked it under the couch, forgotten about it for weeks, and had a movie-ticket's worth of late fees by the time I finally found it.

Luckily though, it wasn't wretched.

So, allow me to paint a picture for you;

The film starts out with our hero(???), and his girlfriend at a bar, babbling almost incoherently back and forth in a tedious, somewhat indistinguishable monotonous exchange that made me pray and pray that the entire movie wasn't going to be like this.

Turns out it was simply a way to show what a DICK our main character is.

Though, our dickish main character's dialog was kept up in the same excruciating fashion throughout the entire movie. (I will admit that it was funny, if you could keep up.)

The whole middle of the movie was a back-and-forth, dizzying switch between camera angles and parts of the story, trying to explain multiple lawsuits. Not only were they explaining lawsuits, they were explaining them backwards. Kind of. It wasn't bad though, just took a little getting used to.

One thing I couldn't get used to was the GOD DAMN FILTERS that they used.

I felt like I was watching the first 10 seconds of an Asthma medication commercial throughout the ENTIRE MOVIE. And when it wasn't an Asthma medication commercial, it had the feel of a modernized Western. Maybe if Walker Texas Ranger banged Juno McGuff.
Something like that.
Horrible filters. Horrible filters that were difficult to see past (ba'dum-tss!)

That was perhaps my biggest complaint about the movie.

I had one more problem, though. Not from my own personal experience, but I feel like it could have easily been an issue, especially for either the older generations or the younger generations.

If you understood a large amount about computers, then this movie would be easy for you to follow.
If you understand a lot about the law, it would be even easier.
And if you understand a bit about business, then it would be easier yet.

If you don't know much about any of the previously stated; good luck. You're gonna need it.

The film is about Harvard students.
They talk and act like...well...Harvard students.

So, if you're an older person that only operates the computer to check your email when you remember or to play Solitaire because the TV is out, then this movie will be miserable for you to watch. Stay home and open up that DVD your grand kids got your for Christmas that you haven't touched yet.

If you're twelve years old and have no idea how life works yet, go watch the Guardians of Gahoole or whatever the hell it is, because you're not going to understand it and you're going to sit in the theater texting your BFF the whole time. Then I'm going to reach over and break your phone in half then stuff it in your cherry slushy. (Do I smell a euphemism?!)

Now, as I say in almost every blog of mine:

Moving right along.

The acting was pretty on-par (with a few awkward exceptions,), the story, in the end, was interesting enough, and the cinematography was...acceptable. The oh-so-anticipated musical score, though, was god-awful.

Have you ever seen "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"?

At one point in that movie, the main character talks about his job as a composer. He explains that he doesn't compose music, really, but just dark and ominous tones.

It felt like they hired him for this movie.

Dark and ominous tones.

Dark.
And.
Ominous.
...

Tones.

That's pretty much what we had going on here.

But let's try to think positively.

One of the strongest points of the movie, was character development, but I feel like that's nothing special since it was based on REAL PEOPLE. There were no "characters" to "develop".
But over all, the characters were interesting.
While watching it, I felt for them.
When one got fucked over, I was a little pissed. When something good happened, it made me happy.
They weren't just empty shells, so that was good.
Everything about it was very realistic (no shit...) From the emotions, to the consequences of the character's actions, to the way they spoke, to the way they dressed. Even the events of the movie were realistic, so that was very uplifting. My time wasn't totally wasted.
Well, not all of it.
About....eh.... an hour and fifty minutes of it.
A story that could have easily been told in ten minutes was drug out to about two hours.

It was like listening to your drunken uncle at thanksgiving.

You know, the one you try to avoid being alone with because he's going to hold you hostage and tell you his life story for the 6th time?
Kind of like that.

The movie was just a bit long.
(and then ended really abruptly, so you had no idea when it was finally going to be over.)

So, i the end, I'd say "sure, go see it".
Its worth seeing once. I wouldn't buy it, I wouldn't see it again in the theater unless someone else was paying for my ticket and begged me to go.
Maybe I'll rent it once.
Its worth a one time see, so may as well.
We all know that if you don't, you're just going to sit home and F5 your News Feed for two hours anyway.

3/5 stars.

The Delicious Ice Cream Adventure (Ice Creams of Chincoteague)

Believe it or not, Van and I went to the beach last weekend. Yes, I know, surprising and comical all at the same time.
Luckily though, we did not go to the actual beach part of the beach. Meaning...the water and sand.
Instead we stayed on the nice little island and wandered about eating delicious food.
And that is exactly what I am here to talk about.

As much as I don't want millions of people flocking to Chincoteague, I feel as though it is a place deserving of millions of people.

It is a tiny, tiny little island in Virgina, and I must say that it is wonderful. Though, I kind of wish I could keep it a little secret because lets face it, the place isn;t what it used to be.

Back in the day, when I was little, it was the ultimate place to go for vacation.
There was the beach, a wildlife reserve, a few places to play mini golf, places to fish, a park, a carnival and some awesome restaurants. I could probably name most every store there from memory.

Granted, it still has all of those same things, but now theres even....more...
Everywhere you turn there is a souvenir or Tshirt shop. They've installed a Dairy Queen and a McDonald's. Its gotten a bit out of hand. But it still is a great place.

All of this aside, the main reason I was writing this, is to talk about the ice cream.
Delicious, delicious ice cream.
Ice cream.


First and for most, there is the Island Creamery.



My personal favorite.
Everything there is homemade, the ice cream, the fudge, even the waffle cones.
They always have a wonderful assortment of flavors. Birthday cake might be my favorite.

Van and I went there first. It was our first ice cream experience on the island.
I got my Birthday Cake icrecream on a cake cone, and Van got their variation of a Blizzard. Pony-tracks ice cream (vanilla ice cream, fudge swirl, peanut butter cups), with Reese's pieces and hot fudge all blended in a cup.

We had a very delicate rating system for each ice cream shop. Basically it went something like this:

Service:
Taste:
Originality:
Value:
Experience:

Yes, I realise that spells STOVE....
The rating goes from 1-10.

So, lets take a look at the Island Creamery.

Service: 9
The Island Creamery is always busy. Busy busy busy, with the lines out the door. But, they always move very quickly. Its actually rather impressive. On top of that, they're so friendly! Its great.
Only thing that is keeping them from getting a 10, is the fact that they had an employee there with piercings in her face. As much as I like piercings, I don't like them around my food. Other than that though, flawless.

Taste:9.5
Delicious. Simply wonderful ice cream. That's all there is to say. Its homemade, its tasty.

Originality: 7
They get points because its homemade and they have some ridiculous flavor es (margarita and cantaloupe?)
But, its really just an oddly large ice cream shop. No gimmicks or anything. They don't sing or mix your ice cream for you, but they really don't need to.
Though, I will mention that they do have a thing called the Round Up. 5 scoops of ice cream, 3 toppings, whipped cream and a cherry. If you eat it all, you get your picture taken. Cool enough.

Value: 9
Excellent. I believe that between the two of us, it cost around 8 dollars. I got a single scoop cone (but the scoops are so huge its like a double) and Van got a Blizzard..or something similar. We were stuffed by the end.

Experience: 7
Its cool to see them making the waffle cones there, to browse through their gift shop and to pick out your treats, but there isn;t any unique feel to the shop. Its Chincoteagues primary ice cream store, and that is really what they have going for them.

Over all : 8.3


Next place we went was called Muller's




Muller's was a very small ice cream shop that was set up on the first floor of a house. I assume that the owners live above it. I believe that most of their ice cream is homemade.

Service: 7.5
The staff is extremely friendly and talkative, which is always refreshing.
The only downside it had though, was it took a bit too long to get our food. They seemed to be disorganized, especially when it came to serving multiple customers.

Taste:9.7
Van and I both got root beer floats.
I must say that it was by far the best root beer float I have ever had in my life.
As far as the ice cream goes, I can't really say, as I only had vanilla floating in the most excellent root beer I've stumbled upon. But as I said, this was by far the most amazing float ever.

Originality: 9
The whole house was very quaint and almost Victorian looking. It had a really old-timey feel. Not like 50's old-timey, but even more so. It was wonderful.

Value: 8
Offhand, I can't remember how much we payed. I would be willing to pay 10 dollars for one of those floats though. I'm pretty sure it was under 12 for the both of us though.

Experience: 8
As soon as you walk in the door, you see all of the different things you can try. From peach and waffle sun days to a malted milkshake. They have such a selection and its such a nice little house. It was really great.

Over all: 8.4




After Muller's we went to Build Your Own Cookie



After playing a competitive round of mini golf in 97 degree weather, we decided...well...I decided that ice cream was a must. The closest to the golf course was BYOC, or Build Your Own Cookie.
Seemed interesting enough!

BYOC is literally a horse-trailer with 2 tables outside. The tables were both made out of stacked up 10 gallon buckets, a table top and an umbrella. You walked up to the window and picked the following
1 cookie, 1 ice cream flavor and 1 topping (more cost more.) You then got your treats, then stood at the tables. This is fairly normal for Chincoteague, as several places are stand-outside style.


Service:10
This is the one place that I will give a 10/10 for service. This lady did it right! She was very friendly when we got there and ordered, she was very quick also.
Then, while Van and I were outside eating, she came outside with two cups of ice water for us. She mentioned that eating these always made her thirsty. It was very nice of her. I was extremely impressed.

Taste: 7
The cookies were enormous and delicious, they were also homemade. That is the only reason I am giving this score a 7 instead of a 5. The ice cream was just Hershey's ice cream, which was disappointing, since you can get wonderful homemade ice cream almost anywhere on the island.

Originality: 8.5
Cookie sundaes? Awesome. I've never done that before. There is definitely nothing else like it on the island.

Value: 6
It cost us over 10 dollars for two sundaes. They were good,yes. The cookies were homemade, yes. But the ice cream was not. I could buy 2 cartons of ice cream and 3 boxes of cookies for that price.

Experience: 7.5
It was really fun standing outside eating ice cream. The staff was friendly and the cookies were great. It was perfect after that oh so strenuous mini golf.


Total: 7.8


Lastly we have the famous Mr. Whippy. Mr Whippy (aside from Dairy Queen) is the primary source for soft-serve ice cream.



Service: 5
Typical teenager working their summer job. I was certainly not impressed. Considering their large menu, they were not very patient while we were deciding our orders.

Taste: 8
I really enjoy soft serve ice cream. Mr Whippy is by far my favorite place for it. Sure, its not the most exciting thing ever, but it is still good. I got a vanilla cone dipped in cotton candy shell. It was pretty good, I must say. Van got an Oreo sundae. He seemed to also enjoy his.

Originality: 8
The over-all feel of the shop is very lodge-like. They have interesting toppings and flavors, cute names for their menu items, and their own ice cream truck.

Value: 8
Mr. Whippy is both yummy and inexpensive. It was under 10 dollars for both of us, and we got large portions.

Experience: 8
Aside from the service, the overall experience was good. It isn't as unique as an old fashioned ice cream shop, or standing outside to eat, but in general it is a good experience. The store was clean and the service was fast.

Over all: 7.4




In the end, I would have to say that The Island Creamery is my favorite for just good ol ice cream. They would be my number one pick each time. Fast service, awesome ice cream and a nice shop. But, if you're looking for the best root beer float in town, Muller's is the way to go!

This Entire Society Needs Rehab.

There have been many many posts around the internet about the state of modern music.
We all know that it is god awful. We all know it is nothing but autotune. We all know that it takes little to no talent to "make it" in the musical world these days.
But there is no point in beating a dead horse.

THOUGH.

I would like to touch on it for just one moment.



Not only is music shitty as all hell,
but the majority of it is sending a wretched message.


It is amazing how even when someone isn't paying attention to what they're listening to, it still sticks in their mind.


I noticed this the other day while I was walking through Michael's.


In the process of purchasing leather string and clamps for jewlery, I heard a young girl, about 7; her brother, about 5; and her mother.

As I was making my selection, I heard the tiny girl's voice singing "Your love, your love, your love is my drug!"



This made me absolutely sick.

First off, that the girl was singing such a stupid thing, secondly, that the mother didn't tell her to shut her little mouth and keep such trash out of it, and thirdly, that her mother let her listen to that putrid, rancid shit in the first place.


Putrid.
rancid.
shit.



I guaruntee you that my children will NOT listen to such wretched music. Especially at that age.
Whether the song is about "love" or not, the last thing I want is my daughter to be admiring some coked out trashy whore or supporting her music.

I need to stop writing about this.
This sickens me.

Surprisingly Uncool

Today I would like to bring a sense of enlightenment to the seemingly very confused world. Perhaps its just Poughkeepsie that suffers from these horrible phenomenons, but just in case it is the rest of the world too, I will continue on.
Here I would like to remind people that just because you think something is cool, doesn't mean that it actually is.
Now, I by no means claim to be a cool person. I mean, honestly, I write a blog for Christ's sake. But still, there are some people out there that need to get a grasp on what is or is not socially acceptable. So, today I bring you:

THINGS PEOPLE THINK ARE COOL

1. Car-balls

I don't understand what makes these cool or funny. They're stupid and disgusting, plane and simple. Do you not have any of your own, so you feel the need to tack a set of fake junk onto your bumper? Come on, guys. Give it up. Neuter your pets. The last thing we need is a bunch of stray Hummers running around.

2. Tacky-ass Ghetto nails.

No matter what your occupation, if you have nails that are more than an inch long, you instantly look like you run the cash register at the local 7-11. And I am instantly going to assume that you're going to sell me a Slurpee. Wild Cherry, bitch.

3. Douche-Beard

Although it sounds like you might be a bad-ass pirate, actually HAVING a douche-beard simply makes you an ass. If you spent half as much time learning proper English as you did carving hieroglyphics into your head, you would be a much more respectable human being. Instead you look like you just allowed a lawn-mower to take creative freedom of your face.

4. Tribal Tattoos

Unless you're a Maori or fucking Tony the Tiger, you need to stay away from the tribal ink. You either look like a wrestler, or look like a frat boy. Neither of which are respectable personas for the day-to-day civilian. There is nothing else like having solid splotches of meaningless black ink over your body to say "I think I'm a bad-ass, so does my orange-tan girlfriend!" They're gggggggrrreat!

5. Plymouth Prowlers

A wedge of cheese on wheels. Enough said.



6. Keytars
Perfect for the kid whose mom made them practice hours of piano everyday before they could watch t.v. We all know that all you wanted to do was join a rock band. Just like we all know you will always be a total dweeb for the rest of your life. Keytar = significantly uncool.


7. 3-wheeled motorcycles

Too bad-ass for a 4-wheeler, too chicken for a chopper. Looking for the perfect balance? You didn't find it. Move along. You're a tool. Tack a side-car onto it and you'll be the whole hardware store.

HUGERUNONSENTENCE

Look at how sexy this blog looks. Yeah, go ahead... look at it... take it in... there ya go.



Now that we have that out of our system lets move along.

Another day off today.
Hours have been bad.
Too much spare time.
Yet not enough.


I've been painting again, which tends to be a good sign.
Its been all water colors, mostly of pictures of sushi.
my cat is about to pounce on my hands, so please pardon any interruption.


Today is not going to be a good day.
I hate to have such negativity, but my stomach hurts, so I can't help it.
Ah well.


This weekend is a barbecue at work. I think I will be making cheesecake and mountain dew cupcakes.


Now, lets move onto something more interesting.

I watched A Clockwork Orange last night, and I will be the first to admit that I thought it was a horrible movie. Not only was it two hours and 17 minutes too long, but it made little to no sense.
Now, I know there is some hipster out there reading this saying that I am blind and ignorant for not understanding, and I am intellectually inferior, but strangely enough, I am okay with that.
I've read all of these blogs and reviews and websites that say that it is one of the most disturbing movies of all time. Most sites rank it in the top 10 or 15.
Honestly, I'd have to go with...no. Perhaps I am a sick, strange person for not finding this movie disturbing in the least, but I can;t really help that. The violence was not graphic, and most of the time the scene just cut away instead of showing what happened.
I suppose for its time it was very disturbing, but in this day and age, it wasn't much.
In all honesty, I though Reservoir Dogs had more of an edge to it, along with Requiem for a Dream.
Kids these days.

The most disturbing movie I've seen is Untracable. That is by far the most fucked up film I couldn't bear to stomach. It just freaked me out.
I can deal with Saw, which isn't really saying much, but for some reason Untracable really got to me.

Some day I'll grow some balls and watch Audition, but I think I'll wait a little bit on that one.


Moving right along, I saw Diary of a Wimpy Kid at the theater yesterday.
Could have been cute, yes, but it had one of the LEAST likeable main characters of any movie I have ever seen. What an annoying little brat. Next to Alice in Wonderland (the new one, of course. I'll touch on that later.)
I will admit that it had quite a few funny parts, and I would watch it again, but the main character was just a pain in the ass! Thats kids for you.

Now, for anyone that actually reads this and HASNT seen Alice in Wonderland yet, here are my thoughts on it:

It was worth seeing...just to see it, I guess. The visuals were spectacular, and they kept some of the original quotes in, but honestly, they should have gone all or nothing with it. The girl that played Alice was an awful little wretch, I thought. Thankfully they didn't over-do Johnny Depp's part like I thought they would.I'm sure I would have loved it 3 or 4 years ago when I basically breathed Tim Burton films, but after seeing everything he's done already, it was very run of the mill and predictable, with the same cast and the same music he has in every other movie he does.If you like Tim Burton, and you like Alice in Wonderland, this is the best way I can put it:Just because your two favorite foods are chili dogs and chocolate milkshakes, doesnt mean that theyre going to be any good if you blend them together.


Yes, that was taken from my Facebook, incase you were curious.



At this point, I think I am going to make something to eat!

Star Blog.

There is a tremendous amount of constant rain as of now and I cannot help but think "I do not exist" thanks to The Messes of Me by mewithoutYou. A good song, for those of you who do not know. Today will be one of those lonely days, because I do not particularly want to be driving around in this weather.

Now I would like to talk about one of my most hated companies: Starbucks.
Anyone who knows me knows that I do hate Starbucks, but also that I drink the shit when I have the money to. It really is quite a shame and I wish it didn't have to be that way. I have gone on many quests and searches to find a cheap, local alternative for the place, but every local alternative turns out to be even more expensive. But then again, when I go and get something stupid like a "Vanilla Bean Frappuchino" I look at it and wonder why I didn't just go get a vanilla milkshake from McDonalds for $1.58. I really don't know.
But, moving right along, Starbucks has unleashed a series of mutant possessed zombie coffee grinders. Yes.

The Starbucks Barista Blade Grinders

Yes, that would be it. You can see, clearly, that is is obviously of some demonic decent. Also the fact that they tend to turn on by themselves and refuse to shut off, sometimes when people are cleaning them. Someone get the Ouija board, these things have got something to say! Perhaps they require a blood sacrifice.
Apparently most Starbucks customers do not know how to properly handle appliance possession, so Starbucks has recalled 530,000 of them. Silly, silly people.




And speaking of silly people, lets touch on the story of 56 Star girl.


Some 18 year old girl in Belgium went to get her face tattooed (Because THAT was a good idea in the first place....) and ended up with 56 stars tattooed on the side of her face. The artist said that she had told him 56, the girls claims to have fallen asleep during the tattooing.


From first hand experience, I would NOT fall asleep while getting a tattoo, ESPECIALLY one on my face. Also, why would the artist continue tattooing her when she was asleep if she only asked for 3? For sure he knew that he would get sued, and the only plus side to her have 56 stars is that he would be able to charge more, but when you get a tattoo, you pay half of the amount before you even go to your appointment, so I definitely call bullshit on this girl.


The artist said that she looked in the mirror several times while it was being done and said that she liked it, and that everything was fine until her father showed up. Now she is suing the tattoo company and getting most of them removed. Way to go.

SOOO-EEEY!

Its official. We are all going to die.
It's over. Its over. Its the end.
The apocolypes is here.
Z-day is en rout
we have met
the end.


SWINEFLU



The virus strain is mutating into something more dangerous.

Zombie aporkalypse, here we come.

Tersen edriin bayar hurgeye!

Happy Birthday Genghis Khan.
We do not know Genghis Khan's actual birthday. It was said that he was born in either early summer or late winter. This makes me sad. no one even remembered his birthday.
I will make him a birthday cake and I will give him a birthday. Every Mongol needs some love.
I have decided that today is his birthday. I think today is the 17th of April.
So, the 17th of April is officially Genghis Khan's birthday.
Happy Birthday Genghis.
I iwill make him a cake.
The end. Time for lunch.

Pokemon "Kangaskhan" (like a kangaroo?). Perhaps to commemorate Mr. Genghis. Perhaps not. Goodbye.

I'm sorry Genghis

your birthday was forgotten

a pokemon, though?

Maybe Someday...

Today sucked. I'm not even going to lie. It really really did. It was alright until I got to class. At that point, it all just started falling downhill.

I had to make biscotti for my practical. I fucking hate biscotti. No one likes biscotti. Fuck biscotti. With my awesome phonetic skills, I successfully managed to misread and totally destroy the recipe by attempting to make chocolate chip biscotti instead of chocolate. Sooo I had to figure out how to somehow change chocolate chip into chocolate. Little did I realize that one require baking soda while the other required baking powder. And on top of all of this, the oven I used broke without my knowledge. Needless to say I had some really shitty biscotti. Needless to say, I failed my exam. Awesome. Two more to go, though.

After class I went to the gym again.
It was later this time, it was pretty full. As soon as I walked in the room, I instantly felt as if I had transformed from human to meat. I walked in, and I just wasn't even a person anymore. I ignored this and just put in my headphones and listened to my music while I ran and lifted weights. But I could still see the people just staring at me and watching me lift weights and just look at me in ways I really prefer to not be looked at in. I really made me feel like shit. I was actually a bit self conscious as I was lifting; not because I can't lift much, but just because I could tell how a lot of the guys were staring. It really made me feel shitty. I don't even take it as a compliment anymore.
And then of course, I had Broski and Beaver stop by to hang out a bit. A few lines were crossed with some things that were said. Starting with something that had happened one night when I had been drinking and did some ridiculous and regrettable things that I honestly did not know happened. And of course I had a few of those empty blank spaces in my mind were filled in about what really did happen that time. Nothing that I am happy about nor proud of, nor really wanted to remember. Especially aloud in a room full of other people that honestly did not need to know about all of that. Continuing on, I also learned that I was the fulfiller of a couple 'guy fantasies', which truth be told made me feel absolutely sick and disgusted with myself. Strangely, at this point i can understand why I look like a half-rack of spare ribs to someone.
I'm going to bed.
fuck it.




Do you remember how it was when you bled? When you loved and burned in those flames that you've kept because Vesta's long been sleeping . And now you've come to accept that your anatomy defines more than a few of the gaping holes in our social fabric; more than a few one night stands, more than a few prison bars melted into wedding bands.
We've made you all the peasants and we've made ourselves the kings, our queens are still subordinate as an angel without wings .We make it easy to belong which means it's easy to be wrong "Put some plastic in your tits, and you'd look better as a blond." I remember when you were hopeful and you never thought your life would be lived inside a coffin with a moral sacrifice and a million social obligations, labels and expectations. You were young and modern seventeen in vogue and vague pursuit of a cosmopolitan dream. When you bled on the bed as you fed those expectations as a whore and not a human, you embraced with hesitation the very parameters of all you can be; not a mother, not an aunt, not a sister who's not subdued, because dignity's not physical and your flesh means more than you. I know we'll wake up one day with a gun to the back of our brains. You'll be asking for your rib and I'll smile and call you brave. Maybe someday when this bloody skull has dried I'll know our city is in ruins when our greatest source of pride is a monument of dicks and ribs and gender crowns we wore where underneath, a plaque will read, "No woman is a whore."

Band: Protest The Hero
Song: Turn Soonest To The Sea
Album: Kezia

turn soonest to the sea - Protest the Hero

*edit
And I just found out that Protest The Hero is playing with The Number 12 Looks Like You in the city on May 9th. Hooooolllyyyyy shit. Forget going to see GWAR. I am saving all my money and trecking my ass down there. Best. Line-up. Ever. (Misery Signals, Scales The Summit, Falls From Grace will also be there.) Ohgodohgodohgod.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

New thing to be terrified of:
Furries.

Yes. Furries.
I will allow you to look them up you please.
That is all I have to say about them. SO THE END on that subject.


Next subject.

Soup&Pants&FriedRice&Cake&Icecream&Bubbles&CDs&Strippers

I must say that I thoroughly enjoy soup and pants day.
Sometimes during the week, my buddy Vlad and I will sit around and watch movies and just have a great time. Yesterday we just sat in my room and blew bubbles and listened to music and ate cereal. it was really an awesome time. We wrote a wall of funny things that have happened and that we have said. Then we took a whole bunch of pictures. Today he gave me a sheet of paper with all of them printed on it. It was really great.
Girls night was on Friday. That was really fun. My roommates and I just watched Knocked Up and sat around and ate icecream and talked and had a great time. Some kid gave me shrimp fried rice and it was fantastic.
And then, last night, I went to Zac's birthday party. It was pretty awesome. I got in a borderline fist-fight with Zac and am covered in bruises and rug burn, Van some how ended up naked in the kitchen as my friend/brother walked in, Chux's mom tried to get with me, I ended up covered in green icing, and I have a new-found love for baked ziti. It was a really great time. I made a mix CD for Zac and it is freaking awesome. it goes something like this:

1. Vampire Breath - Dr. Acula
2. Safety Song -Tsunami Bomb
3. Open Book - The Rakes
4. Time Bomb - Rancid
5. Love Demon - Los Gatos Locos
6. Brown Eyed Girl -Reel Big Fish
7. Julia - The Horrorpops
8. Gentlemen - mewithoutYou
9. Pretty Rave Girl - I Am X-Ray
10. The Beer - Kimya Dawson
11. Lean on Sheena - Bouncing Souls
12. I Can Walk On Water, I Can Fly - Basshunter
13. Hypnotized - Notorious B.I.G
14. Your Retro Career Melted - The Faint
15. Bruises - Chairlift
16. Darkwave Surfer -Aural Vampire
17. Days Go By - Dirty Vegas
18. Gunpowder: A Ballet -Dr. Manhattan
19. (this one was a secret song, I didn't write what it was on the list. its Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley)

Each song gets longer and longer as the CD goes on. its pretty awesome.

Then, this morning, I left from the party with Van and we went out to get breakfast. As I ate my sandwich, this old lady kept staring at me and wouldn't leave me alone. It was so incredibly frustrating and awkward. She kept looking at me as if I were the Antichrist or something similar. I nearly got up and started strip-dancing on her table, just to be obnoxious, but I didn't. Someday I will do something like that. but until then I shall sleep and it will be wonderful. Goodnight, blog.

OH! Today was Soup and Pants day, too and Vlad and I watched Stranger Than Fiction. Gotta love Maggie Gyllenhaal. She is delicious. A delicious ginger baker with tattoos. That will be me someday!

The Best Thing That Could Be Happening

Here is my 50th post. Just to give myself a bit of a boost, I'm going to go through the goods and bads in my life. Lets check it out.

The Goods

1. 
   
   1. I'm actually doing well in school for the first time in a long time


2. I'm actually enjoying the time I have at school
3. 
   
   I have some of the most supportive friends I have ever had. We can just sit around and bullshit, talk about important things, or go out. Anything.


4. 
   
   My family and I are getting along really well, despite the stupid shit I sometimes do.


5. 
   
   I have an awesome boyfriend that treats me well


6. 
   
   I'm starting to realize that I deserve to be treated well. This is new for me


7. 
   
   I get along with all my roommates and we have so much fun together


8. 
   
   I'm starting to get my life straightened out


9. 
   
   I don't hate myself as much as I used to


10. 
    
    I make awesome angel food cake


11. 
    
    I wake up with a smile almost every day


12. 
    
    I;m learning to work around the big problems in my life


13. 
    
    I'm teaching myself guitar and I love it. I can actually play songs now!


14. 
    
    My health is in check. I'm not really ill or anything


15. 
    
    I've learned to ask for help when I need it, I've stopped trying to do so much on my own


16. 
    
    I've removed a lot of drama from my life, so it things are a lot less stressful


17. 
    
    I've learned to start taking more chances and live life a little bit more.


18. 
    
    I don't feel ugly all the time anymore.


19. 
    
    I haven't smiled this much in a long, long time.


20. 
    
    I quit smoking for the most part

The Bads

1. 
   
   I don't really eat as much as I should.


2. 
   
   I drink too much, but I'm trying to stop.


3. 
   
   Michelle lives far away.


4. 
   
   I'm running low on cash.


5. 
   
   I wish I had better relationships with my siblings.


6. 
   
   I've lost quite a few friends recently due to arguments and dramatic situations.

Over all I would say that things are going very well. I'm happy with where I am in my life right now. Things really look like they're turning around for me. And, when it comes to the bad things, I can fix most of them with time. I can't control when Michelle comes back, but she will, I can't do a whole lot about the not having money, but I can try, and if those friends don't want to be friends with me anymore, there isn't anything I can do about that either so I just let it go. But, I can stop drinking, with a little help, I can talk to my siblings more, and I can start eating more, which I have already done. I get up and eat lunch with my roommates almost every day now. So it's all going to be okay.

Woohoo!

"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."

I've come to realize that the people I admire most are complete assholes. For my writing class we have to write two papers on a person. One with good things about them, another with bad things. We had to pick three different people then narrow it down to the one that would be the best. My choices were:



Jimmy Urine
Marilyn Manson
Andy Warhol




Now, if those people aren't a couple of the biggest assholes you've ever heard of, then I am sorry that you have had to deal with more. Let us observe.



Jimmy Urine, who is known for kissing his fans for money, asking them for cash, and also for them to buy him things. Jimmy knows, and uses to his advantage, the fact that his fans will do just about anything. While I was at an MSI show, he took his microphone and claimed it to be magical because he could use it to make people do anything. And he proved his point by getting the entire audience to bark like several different sized dogs, meow like cats, and make buffalo noises, later says "Ah! So that's what those fuckers sound like!" He has admitted that his blatant disrespect for the crowd is simply for his own entertainment. Firing strings of insults into his screaming audience seems to get them more fired up. Perhaps "Mindless" really is a great word to used. He truly is an asshole and an amazing con artist. Though he seems to be lacking in intelligence, that is quite the misconception, considering that he has successfully gotten millions of people to practically bow at his feet, despite the distasteful things he does. And THAT is why I find him fantastic.

"Buy lots of our stuff. Give me some money, stop making more bands. Make an animated series I like to watch instead."

Marilyn Manson is an asshole on an entirely different level. Manson has an intimidating intelligence that give him the ability to put almost anyone in their place. His sense of humor is one that is undetectably sardonic. He tends to take the anti society route other than the anti-musician route. His way of going about things is incredibly offensive in a way that somehow manages to make the ones who are offended look bad. His words and actions reflect his dislike of society, the American way of thinking, and the general monotony of the public. He is an asshole, but for the right reasons.

"Anybody intelligent enough to realize what America is, is not going to sit
around and do nothing about it. They're going to be the same way that I am.
They're going to be the same way our fans are. They're going to be pissed."

Andy Warhol could almost be called an anti-artist. Though not part of Dada, Warhol had a way of showing people that everything could be bought, that money could fuel anything, and that to him, art was unnecessary while being completely necessary. No only could his painting be considered ridiculous and boring, but also his films. Warhol's film Eat is a 45 minute film that consists of nothing more than a man eating a mushroom.
Warhol took polar opposite things and made them equal. Two of his most famous paintings are a picture of Marilyn Monroe and a picture of a Campbell's soup can. Both vastly different, but both made equal. Andy Warhol considered money to be incredibly important. To him, making money was art and having a good business was the best kind of art. He admitted to being a 'deeply superficial person" and wanting to be "plastic". His vain love of money, his infatuation with the boring, and his ability to con people into eventually thinking that something as simple as a soup can could be art is really what made him an artist. And an asshole.

"I'd asked around 10 or 15 people for suggestions. Finally one lady friend asked
the right question, 'Well, what do you love most?' That's how I started painting
money. "

Now, these people are not the typical kind of asshole that just cut people off while driving or don't tip (though I wouldn't put it past some of them...), they're the kind of people that others see as assholes because of how they blatantly surface controversial and dist respectful viewpoints simply to stir other up. Each did it for his own separate reason, and each reason has a lot of truth behind it. Whether a pop artist, musical artist, or performance artist, each is a con artist and in the end, a brilliant, brilliant asshole.

We Only Come Out At Night

If you haven't noticed yet, I have a slight problem with the media and the way it portrays things. The media has a habit of either warping things to seem really bad, or making really bad things seem like they're okay. Either that or they publicize something to the point of where it is dangerous. [See "Wasn't That A Stardust Fantasy", "Teen Commits Suicide Live On Webcam" or "Though I Did Love Who Wants To Be A Superhero" ]
More and more recently the media has been publicizing certain kinds of people that have been glamorized into being seen as "cool". My first example is pirates.

Since Disney's Pirates Of The Caribbean, pirates have been views as cool, funny and even sexy. People want to be pirates, people want to dress like pirates, people think that pirates are these wonderful, glamorous things. In reality, pirates are just thieves, murderers, rapists and generally criminals. They were outlaws that killed people and stole their things, raped women, burned down buildings and many other acts of violence. If someone were doing that today, they would not be viewed as a hero, they would not be viewed as funny, and they would not be viewed as glamorous. Granted we really don't see people sailing around and acting like pirates anymore, but the fact that they are viewed as something cool is really just damaging.

The next, and probably more extreme example, is vampires.
Vampires, as according to myth, are the spirits of people that either: 1. Committed suicide; 2. Were murdered and want revenge. Granted that there are several other myths, I'm going to generally stick to the "evil spirits wanting revenge" one for now. There are so far no real "positive" reasons why vampires would exist. Aside from that, vampires are scary things. They're meant to be scary. They go and kill people, drain them of their life and energy, and are generally very dark. Vampires have been given the image of sexy and seductive, which is more or less true based on the 'forbidden' factor, also their hypnotism, but the fact that they are now seen as "good" things, is really a horrible misconception. Vampires are not teen heartthrobs, nor are they happy and friendly creatures that want to be "bffz" with everyone.
To make matters worse, we have vampire people coming out in the open. Not only are they coming out in the open, they're killing other people. The publicity of vampires and vampirism is making it seem like being a 'vampire' is cool. I'm not going to get into full detail about the subject, but the idea of it is frightening. People are coming out and acting like vampires, and killing other people.

I really must pin a lot of this on the media of today. Between the news and entertainment, we're fueling people's minds with violent ideas and letting them think its okay. So, if you just so happen to be reading this, I challenge you to go look at the news and find something positive that has happened recently. And I don't mean "Man Saves Dog With Broken Leg" or "Kid Sells 5000 Boxes Of Cookies". Just try it.

Half Cheese, Half Hawaiian

Being a pizza delivery person must be terrible.
Not because of the driving, not because of the late hours, not because of the bad pay, but because off all the people you see.
It must be such a mental trip.
One minute you're delivering five pizzas to a seven-year old's birthday party. There are bright balloons and streamers, children running through the family's yard laughing and yelling, parents gathered around talking, and the birthday child grinning from ear to ear. You walk in the door to meet a mom or dad who, though flustered, smiles and thanks you, handing you a tip. The next minute you're back in your car again, driving to the next house with two pizzas. Someone answers the door, their eyes are puffy from old tears, they're still in pajamas, they're alone. You know they're going to eat both by themselves, they tip twice as much as anyone else would because they think that don't have anything better to use the money on.
Next stop: a family of four, the table is set, they're getting ready to sit down together, unlike the next house where a teenage kid answers the door, shoves a twenty at you, and closes the door as muffled screaming, crashing, and yelling escapes.
And that is only a few situations. this isn't even mentioning the football games, the college parties, the sleepovers, the bulimic, the lonely person that would love to have someone to share it with.
So many different people.

"Wasn't That A Stardust Fantasy?"

Again, with the Little Miss Sunshin-ery.

I forgot about the actual beauty pageant part of the movie, and how they have actual pageant girls.

Can I just mention how absolutely horrifying pageant girls are?

The ones that are six or seven years old and they have more makeup on than a drag queen.

The fact that these parents dress up their little kids like rodeo-princess Barbie and make them sing and dance and brainwash them into thinking that what they're doing is truly what they want to do is sickening. Being told from that young of an age that they need to wear make-up, they need to be skinny, they need to look perfect and beautiful and that they need to win. What miserable life are they going to have to live because of their mothers what want their daughters to be something they could never be. What kind of irresponsible parent would try to live vicariously through their child? They couldn't achieve their own goals, so they push their children to live an unhealthy lifestyle. It makes me truly and honestly ill. People wonder why anorexia, bulimia, intentional self mutilation syndrome, depression and anxiety and suicide are so common. It is because of things like this:

"To be a total package child, you must make sure ever part of your look is prefect."

-http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/282237/tips_for_childrens_beauty_pageants.html

They are expected to be a "total package child" and live up to impossible standards. Each one trying to "out-pretty" the other, because that is what their parents want them to do. It is so unnatural for a child to act the way they have to act and dress the way they have to dress. Turns out that aliens really do exist.

"Everbody just...pretened to be normal, okay? Like everything is normal here."

The suicidal gay uncle, the heroin addict grandfather, the over-achieving father, the mute son, the daughter that just wants to please, and the mother that tries to cope with it all.

These are all extremes, but really every family is like the main characters of Little Miss Sunshine.

I continue to think about this as I watch the movie. Every one's family is so crazy, but so normal at the same time. Every family has problems, every family has a slightly unhinged member, every family goes on some kind of whirlwind adventure at one pointt or another. Its really very interesting to think about it. Not every family has a gay suicidal uncle that is depressed yet scholarly, but they still have the family member that will desperately need some kind of help but is no longer trusted. Everyone may not directly have that mute son, but there is still the family member that wants nothing more than to get as far away from everyone as possible. Every family has someone that has an addiction, or a problem, but they still want the best for everyone else. But everyone does not have heroin addict grandpa. As I watch this movie, I think about how despite the dramatization, the Hoover family is just like every other family. Just as crazy, just as disheveled,just as problematic.

The only difference is that every family doesn't have a yellow Volkswagen bus.

Though I did love "Who Wants To Be A Superhero..."

The television these days is really going down hill. Last night it had me in tears.
Reality TV is by far one of the worst inventions of all time. Not only is it addictive, it is completely useless. See, at least there used to be some good reality TV, back in the day. We had Survivor, Big Brother, The Mole, things like that. Nowadays we have A Double Shot At Love (as if A Shot At Love 1&2 weren't bad enough) Charm School, From G's to Gents, and I don't even remember the one I saw yesterday. It was something horrible. This girl had the most atrocious black, blond and blue hair and she was making a fool of herself. It had something to do with singing. Now, on top of all of those, you have Celebreality. Rock of Love with Brett Michael's, Surreal World (Or is it Surreal Life?), Celebrity Fit Club, then the ever loved Let's Snoop in Celebrity's Houses So We Know That Their Lives Are Just as Fucked Up as Ours As We Invade Their Families Privacy And Watch Their Rather Staged Family Crisis. All While Being Envious of Their Large Sums Of Money. Such as Run's House and Hogan Knows Best. And I'm pretty sure that Salt n Peppa had something like that. But really all they're doing is taking D list celebrities and sticking them on suffering networks to try to make the ratings go up. Sounds like a great plan to me. The reason these shows are so horrible is because they're just desperate for desperate, scummy people. They can have a television show with Tila Tequila (whoever that is...) because someone like Bono is: 1. Worth too much; 2. Smarter than that; 3, Actually cared about.
Please, lets up Oprah on a celebrity dating show.
Talk Show Of Love with Oprah Winfrey!
FANTASTIC!

Then on top of that, you start with something like..oh... I don't know... America's Next Top Model. Good idea, yes? Then you have America's Next Top Model 1-35. How many Top Models do we need?
But wait! All of these Top Models need clothing to wear. So hurry! Make up a new show! This is when all of the producer scramble and come up with Project Runway. Brilliant.
Wait...it needs a host...hurry...who is desperate for drug money so they'll do anything now, even though no one cares about them anymore? Oh! How about a slightly-too-old underwear model? Fantastic!
Hold on! We need someone to do all their hair...lets get some no names to compete in Shear Genius, while all the frantic culinarians on Top Chef make food for their lunch break. It's okay, we only need one winner for that. The models will just throw-up the food anyway. And of course they all compete on the latest reality show about interior decorators. Ten points if anyone can name what it is! Because I sure as hell can't remember.
There is nothing to fear though, because if you're mean, loud, and obnoxious enough, MTV will contact you with a contract to find your true love on one of their many shows. As long as you're somewhat attractive or bisexual.
So, by the look of it, as long as you are:

Skinny
Mean
Loud
Bitchy
A back stabber
Hopeless
A chef
A designer
A model
An interior decorator
A hair stylist
Not straight
Black
White
Remotely attractive
Single
Kind of single
Almost single
Willing to pretend to be single
Cheating
On drugs
Fat
Or have appeared on American Idol at least twice;
You have a chance to be on reality TV!

Congratulations, you have succeeded in life.



Next time on Skellyton's Top Blog

Made, Parental Control and Celebrity Rehab spiral out of control. Will our Blogger, with the help of "The Pick-up Artist's" Mystery, be able to successfully handle them? Will True Life: My Life Sucks be able to compete with the ratings of Laguna Beach 12? And finally, will there ever truly be Shalom in the Home?
Find out next time, on Skellyton's Top Blog!

On The Road Again

Long ride home today. Lots of snow. Ian was nice enough to drive me home. We were doing great for about an hour then all of a sudden we got enveloped in a whirling cyclone of frost.

Alright, that was a little bit dramatic.

But I think you get my point. It was a really dangerous drive. Lots of snow. New York to Philly. Quite the adventure. It took HOURS. But we did eat at the Eveready Diner today. yum. Aaaaand... get Starbucks. shhhhh... But honestly, it makes me feel like a spoiled, pretty Cali girl or something when I drink starbucks. Especially when I wear my white coat, sunglasses, or if I'm texting on a phone. I just feel like a shitty person.

But I got home and we went to eat at a grody Texmex place. It was kind of sick. And I went to the bookstore. The bookstore really is an enjoyable place. I enjoy hanging out there.

We then came home and watched Hellboy 2. Abe is such a great character. He's my favorite. See? Isn't he cute??

Anyway.

I'm sleepy. Goodnight.

Ps- Totally saw the 30 Days Of Night graphic novel in the book store today.

MUST. HAVE.