Sunday, October 24, 2010

What A D-Bag

First off, I have no idea what to write about. It seems like the topics for me to cover are dwindling.
So, if anyone has anything that they want to read about, feel free to let me know and I'll get to it.
Lets make this blog more "reader happy", if that makes sense.

Secondly, I just watched the movie Funny People, and I seriously think that it made me depressed. 2 hours of a sick comedian's life spiraling out of control? Great.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about depressing shit. I rather enjoy watching fucked up movies about drugs and gangs and crap like that. Not if I expect it to be funny though.

Thirdly, I'm about to slaughter my neighbors. Not only were they pounding on the wall with a hammer today, but now they're stomping around like a herd of cattle upstairs. Its really not difficult to walk lightly.

And lastly:


*No, that is not me. My puke was blue and full of Funyuns.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

There Ain't No Rest For the Wicked

Sagging, tired eyes
What is this thing you speak of?
"Sleep" is what it's called?
I've lost count of how many days it has been since I've slept well. Going to bed at 6:30 am isn't cutting it. For some reason I keep tossing and turning.
Luckily enough, I've been able to keep myself busy.
So far I've nearly completed my Fallout 3 Laser Rifle prop for my Halloween costume. The rest of my outfit is ready to go. Same with Van's.
The other night I worked the midnight release for Fallout New Vegas. What a wonderful time!
Of course I left the store with my collector's edition copy, I haven't had a chance to play it though.
After leaving the midnight release a little later than 1 am, I drove a friend of mine home, then picked up my other friend, Jason, and we drove to Philly.
In the pouring rain.
At 2 am.
Several Full Throttles, a NOS, a Rockstar and a Venom later....
We got to my parents' house at 6 am, just as Dad was leaving for work.
Almost immediately we went to sleep, just to wake up in 4 hours then drive an hour into Center City.
There we waited at the Rock School of Dance to audition to work at DISNEY WORLD!
This was very exciting.
I figured, though, that we would just do some minor acting auditions and get an interview. I was sorely mistaken.
And sore in general.
Turns out we had to dance for approximately 3 hours. Almost non-stop. After being so exhausted (and sick from drinking all those poisons on an empty stomach that morning...), dancing was the LAST thing I needed to do. I was certain that I was going to faint.
The auditions were out at 5 pm. I felt confident and sweaty and ready to collapse.
With eyes drooping and heads nodding, we finally made our way home, ate dinner, then watched the extremely disappointing Scream Awards.
At 8 o'clock this morning, we woke up and made our way back to New York. Traffic was awful, due to ungodly amounts of construction.
I dropped Jason off at his house, then went to Planet New York and added on to my tattoo.
Now, I'm home, sitting on the couch, typing this with my eyes closed, ready to fall asleep. Maybe I'll make cookies for Van tonight, since I just got some chocolate chip cookie dough from Mom.
Or maybe I'll just lay on the floor until someone scoops me up with a giant spatula...

Friday, October 15, 2010

Today was a day of much-needed adventuring and business.
After sitting around the house for a week or so, it was nice to go out for a little.
Yeah, okay, I wandered around the mall for 6 hours, but it was better than sitting home alone doing nothing.
(Though...that could have been some valuable Fallout time...)

I found some parts for my Halloween costume, got some more tobacco for my hookah (which you can review on my other blog, if you click to my profile) and saw Jackass 3D.

Let me tell you, Jackass 3D was the best 11 dollars I have spent in a long time.
If you're into that kind of crap, I definitely recommend it. Plus, Johnny Knoxville is my "From-the-waist-up" celebrity crush. It gave me a much needed laugh, which I was thankful for.

Sometimes you just need to watch a guy get punched in the dick, you know?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Yesterday I really needed someone to talk to.
For the passed week or so, I've been having trouble sleeping. Going to bed at 4 or 5 in the morning because I just couldn't fall asleep, no matter how hard I tried.
Last night, I thought for sure that I would be able to sleep. We went to bed at 11 or so. An hour later, I was still tossing and turning. I couldn't stop thinking about Victoria.
To those of you who don't know about Victoria, she's a good friend of mine. We were best friends in 4th-5th grade. Then we started going to different schools, etc.
We were really tight.

She died about 6 months ago, back in May. I don't know who all reads, this, so I really don't want to get into details about what happened.
Lets just say it was extremely sudden, extremely unexpected, and extremely unintentional.
We were out of the country, when it happened, so I wasn't able to attend her funeral. I did, though, get to go to her 40 Day Memorial, which gave some closure, but not nearly enough.
For a while, I had been doing alright, more or less coming to terms with things.
Just every once in a while it hits really hard. Yesterday was just one of those nights.
Over and over again, I kept seeing my mom walk into my room and tell me that she had died.
It was unbelievable.
A few other things about the event kept circulating through my mind, I wish I could type them out, but again, I don't know who all reads this, so it's not appropriate.

Luckily a good friend of mine, Chris, is always just a phone call away. He was best friends with Victoria, too, so we talked about it a little bit.
That made me feel better.
It'll never get easier, though, I don't think.
You can face the realization, of course, but it just never gets easier.

I Am Not A Violent Person

I just have no problem with ripping someone's arm off then beating them to death with it.

Not really, though.
I realize, after going back and reading these, that I seem really, really mean. Or bitchy. Or hateful.
This is partially true, I will admit.
Part of this I blame on working kitchen jobs, part of this I blame on working retail jobs.
My sense of humor comes in to play. I suppose one could say that I have a "violent" sense of humor.
But I don't mean it, for the most part.

I'm nice, I promise.

Or maybe I'm just a MINOTAAAAAUUUURRR!

Bet you weren't expecting that, huh?!

Lastly, I'd like to say that I freakin love Snoop.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

It is 2:07...

And I cannot decide if I want to go to sleep or play Left4Dead2 some more today...

Did I mention that I made a MINOTAUR for D&D?


I love them.


okay, one more time:


Saturday, October 9, 2010

As If I Couldn't Get Any More Freaked Out...

There are bedbugs at the mall I work at.

Though, I think they got rid of them already...

I'm about ready to shave my head and douse myself in a bleach/kerosene mixture.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I am so paranoid.
This is terrible.

Recently, I had fleas in my house. Luckily enough, I killed them all, and will be respraying next week.

On top of that, the media keeps fueling our minds with the threat of bedbugs.

All of this has led me to being extremely itch all the time.
I feel like I have things crawling all over me. It is driving me crazy!!!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Put That In Your Pipe And Smoke It...

For any of you hookah smokers out there, I've started a blog on shisha reviews.
Feel free to take a look and comment with your opinions and experiences.


Put That In Your Pipe And Smoke It!

I promise I'm not as mean in this one.

As Promised

To any of you who haven't read my reviews before,
You will quickly learn that I specialize in tearing things apart.
I know, I know, this is unfair, but that is just how it is.
Unfortunately, the bad almost always outweighs the good.

If there is a movie where a basket of kittens get violently and graphically tortured, no one is going to give a shit if the protagonist finally gets with the love interest.

Violently and graphically tortured kittens outweigh a kiss.

The bad outweighs the good.

(I am in no way, shape, or form suggesting that a basket of kittens get violently and graphically tortured in The Social Network, so don't get your hopes up, sociopaths.)

Now, the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.

That is exactly what I'm doing here: admitting that I violently and graphically torture movies in my reviews.
So, I will try my hardest not to be to brutal with this one.

(Insert shitty "Windows Movie Maker" transition here)

The Social Network.

Let me start by telling you that I only had minimal knowledge of what this movie was about before I went to see it.
So little, actually, that about 40 minutes into the movie, I noticed what the main character's name was, leaned over to my friend, and said "Wait...Mark Zuckerburg? Isn't that the guy who made Facebook?"

No shit, Sherlock, go back to the kiddie table.

I though that this movie was a fictional tale about social networking, fabricated for the entertainment of the Internet-saturated youth of today.
Oh, was I wrong.

It turns out that this movie was the history of Facebook.



Why would ANYONE be interest in seeing that?

Had I known that, I probably would have waited to rent it, accidentally kicked it under the couch, forgotten about it for weeks, and had a movie-ticket's worth of late fees by the time I finally found it.

Luckily though, it wasn't wretched.

So, allow me to paint a picture for you;

The film starts out with our hero(???), and his girlfriend at a bar, babbling almost incoherently back and forth in a tedious, somewhat indistinguishable monotonous exchange that made me pray and pray that the entire movie wasn't going to be like this.

Turns out it was simply a way to show what a DICK our main character is.

Though, our dickish main character's dialog was kept up in the same excruciating fashion throughout the entire movie. (I will admit that it was funny, if you could keep up.)

The whole middle of the movie was a back-and-forth, dizzying switch between camera angles and parts of the story, trying to explain multiple lawsuits. Not only were they explaining lawsuits, they were explaining them backwards. Kind of. It wasn't bad though, just took a little getting used to.

One thing I couldn't get used to was the GOD DAMN FILTERS that they used.

I felt like I was watching the first 10 seconds of an Asthma medication commercial throughout the ENTIRE MOVIE. And when it wasn't an Asthma medication commercial, it had the feel of a modernized Western. Maybe if Walker Texas Ranger banged Juno McGuff.
Something like that.
Horrible filters. Horrible filters that were difficult to see past (ba'dum-tss!)

That was perhaps my biggest complaint about the movie.

I had one more problem, though. Not from my own personal experience, but I feel like it could have easily been an issue, especially for either the older generations or the younger generations.

If you understood a large amount about computers, then this movie would be easy for you to follow.
If you understand a lot about the law, it would be even easier.
And if you understand a bit about business, then it would be easier yet.

If you don't know much about any of the previously stated; good luck. You're gonna need it.

The film is about Harvard students.
They talk and act like...well...Harvard students.

So, if you're an older person that only operates the computer to check your email when you remember or to play Solitaire because the TV is out, then this movie will be miserable for you to watch. Stay home and open up that DVD your grand kids got your for Christmas that you haven't touched yet.

If you're twelve years old and have no idea how life works yet, go watch the Guardians of Gahoole or whatever the hell it is, because you're not going to understand it and you're going to sit in the theater texting your BFF the whole time. Then I'm going to reach over and break your phone in half then stuff it in your cherry slushy. (Do I smell a euphemism?!)

Now, as I say in almost every blog of mine:

Moving right along.

The acting was pretty on-par (with a few awkward exceptions,), the story, in the end, was interesting enough, and the cinematography was...acceptable. The oh-so-anticipated musical score, though, was god-awful.

Have you ever seen "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"?

At one point in that movie, the main character talks about his job as a composer. He explains that he doesn't compose music, really, but just dark and ominous tones.

It felt like they hired him for this movie.

Dark and ominous tones.



That's pretty much what we had going on here.

But let's try to think positively.

One of the strongest points of the movie, was character development, but I feel like that's nothing special since it was based on REAL PEOPLE. There were no "characters" to "develop".
But over all, the characters were interesting.
While watching it, I felt for them.
When one got fucked over, I was a little pissed. When something good happened, it made me happy.
They weren't just empty shells, so that was good.
Everything about it was very realistic (no shit...) From the emotions, to the consequences of the character's actions, to the way they spoke, to the way they dressed. Even the events of the movie were realistic, so that was very uplifting. My time wasn't totally wasted.
Well, not all of it. an hour and fifty minutes of it.
A story that could have easily been told in ten minutes was drug out to about two hours.

It was like listening to your drunken uncle at thanksgiving.

You know, the one you try to avoid being alone with because he's going to hold you hostage and tell you his life story for the 6th time?
Kind of like that.

The movie was just a bit long.
(and then ended really abruptly, so you had no idea when it was finally going to be over.)

So, i the end, I'd say "sure, go see it".
Its worth seeing once. I wouldn't buy it, I wouldn't see it again in the theater unless someone else was paying for my ticket and begged me to go.
Maybe I'll rent it once.
Its worth a one time see, so may as well.
We all know that if you don't, you're just going to sit home and F5 your News Feed for two hours anyway.

3/5 stars.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Forget "Sexy", is JT Going to Bring Myspace Back?

Today I am going to see The Social Network
(I know, I know, I'm so behind! It's been out for a whole two days already!)

So I will be back to bitch and rant about it.

(That's actually pretty unlikely, as it got a 97% from Rotten Tomatos.)

I guess we will find out.

Then you all can read yet ANOTHER review.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

I Gotta Say...

The way to a girl's heart...
if definitely a 12 piece bucket of extra crispy from KFC.

Just incase there are any lonely guys out there lookin to impress a lady.

Fuck chocolates,
chicks want the Colonel.

Friday, October 1, 2010


Halloween is coming up.
Oh we're all so excited.

I'm in the process of trying to find a good costume.
Originally, I was thinking of being Jessica Rabbit, but we're having problems finding a good Roger Rabbit costume for Van.
Maybe I'll be a ghoul, from Fallout, or perhaps a Vault 101 resident.

But what I'm wearing is not the point of this blog.

I'm wondering why the hell some of these horrible costumes are made!
At this point in time, female costumes go something like this:

Is it an animal, an occupation, or a fairy-tale character?
Okay, use only 2 years of fabric for the costume, add leg warmers and shitty plastic boning in the front.

"Wow! That's a great outfit! What a great idea, to be a hooker for halloween!"
"I'm not a hooker! I'm a lady bug!!! LOL!"
"Oh, I thought those spots were from your herpes! LOL!"


"Who are you this year?"
"Poccahantas! DUH!"
"Oh, Im sorry...I thought you were the girlfriend of one of the Village People..."

I remember, when I was a kid, my mom and grandmother made all of my costumes.

To this day, I don't think I've ever had a pre-packaged, store bought, cheap, skanky piece of shit.

I'm pretty okay with that, too.

Its really not that difficult to put together a good costume without looking like a complete ho.

What the hell, bro... what the hell...