I Will Lose My Shit If Just One More Person I Know Dies.

All the people's mouths are moving

All you hear are car alarms.

This is getting ridiculous.

Raw Food Time?

Raw food time.
I gotta lose this weight.
Its showing more and more.
I CANNOT STAND IT FOR ANOTHER SECOND.

Feel Free to Skip This One. The Other Two Are More Interesting

It's funny how the past sneaks up on you out of nowhere.
One minute, you think that everything you left behind is nothing but dust. Old map markers a few pages back. Then, suddenly it's in front of you again, whether you like it or not.
Its like something that was burned to ashes suddenly rematerialized, plain as day, as if it had never been engulfed by the flames you set to it.
Disgusting.

But inevitable.

This past month and a half has been nothing but that feeling.
Things resurfacing. A cancerous relapse.
Everything that I thought I shed, crawling back over my fresh skin.

I've returned to square one.


As much as I hate to admit it, there hasn't been a day that I haven't cried for the past 20-some days. Frankly, I grow weary of it.

My heart is tired of hurting. The weight of it makes it seem like stones could float with ease in comparison.


It sucks that this blog is turning into more of a diary. Occassionally that happens, but that is not my intention. Hopefully it'll seen be back to the angry, yet interesting jots and tiddles that it used to be.

As of right now though, this might be the only place I have to turn.

See, I'm not looking for advice, I'm not looking for help and I'm not looking for opinions. There are plenty of people that are offering that. It's just simply not what I'm looking for.
At this point, I just need to get everything out. Something is telling me that I time will come where I won't be able to convey my feelins properly, but this will be here to do so. This is just a fallback, I guess.

As I started writing this post, my intention was actually to review a CD that I just purchased. Funny how things start to tie together. I suppose I had best get on that.


Until next time.

You Don't Even Want To Know

I will start by apologizing for the negativity that is seeping from every crooked letter and every punctuation in this post.

These past few days may have been some of the worst days of my life.

What makes it even worse is the fact that I can't even write about it here due to potential legal issues.

The other day I was flown to Texas to testify in court.

First I had to drive to Philadelphia, which is no big deal, as this happens about once a month.

From Philadelphia I flew to Houston, Texas. No big deal, right? Wrong.

The flight was connecting, of course, so I could get to my actual destination. Unfortunately, though, that flight left 20 minutes after my first flight touched ground. God knows it could take 20 minutes just to get off of a plane. Naturally, my first flight was ten minutes late. Fantastic.

Finally I made it in and went to the gate, which turned out to be changed. The new terminal was "all the way across the airport", according to one of the not-so-accommodating staff members. So, off I ran, taking the train for the second time to get to the proper terminal. Did I get there? Yes. Did the employee tell me the right terminal? No. Of course, I had to hope back on the plane and finally made it to the proper gate.

Just in time for the plane to be leaving.

I missed my freaking flight.

So, after more frustration, my flight was switched and I had to fly to Dallas. Then from Dallas, to my destination.

It was a nightmare.

My feet hurt, my stomach was sick, I hadn't slept in 36 hours and I had to face what felt like a reoccurring nightmare.

We will shorten this whole, lengthy story by saying I was driven to the court house, testified then spent the night and the next day in a large hotel. The court case did not go at all as planned. If anything, it was the complete opposite of what we were hoping for.

In the hotel, the food was mediocre and I found fleas in my room. Luckily I got my room switched and got to watch cable for a while, so that was good.

The next day I was driven back to the airport, hoped on a tiny jet, flew back into Houston, then went back onto another plane to Philly. That flight was filled with screaming, shrieking, whining children and a lady that chomped on her gum as if she were a goat.

The whole situation was a horrible, horrible nightmare that still has my eyes watering when I think about it too hard.

Another few days in Philly to recover, then back to New York.

Honestly, I'm not even writing this post so people can read it, but more for my own well-being. it just sucks that I can't even write what I want to.

Recently I haven't been able to talk to Van much, not just because of not being home, but because of work schedules and just issues.

He has so many of his own problems that I can't help but feel like I am a complete and total burden to him more than anything else.

Not too long ago we got new that we were going to have to move out of our apartment. Van will be moving into his family's house, I will be moving into my friends' house.

Thanksgiving is going to be crappy, and Christmas is going to be even worse. I'm dreading every upcoming moment for the next 6 months.

There is just too much going on right now for me to handle and I don't know what to do.

I can't get a hold of my best friend, either, so I really feel like I have no one right now.

Sure, I have my parents, as I'm staying in their house, but as soon as I leave here and go back to New York, I'm going to be completely alone again.

I don't feel like writing anymore.

What A D-Bag

First off, I have no idea what to write about. It seems like the topics for me to cover are dwindling.
So, if anyone has anything that they want to read about, feel free to let me know and I'll get to it.
Lets make this blog more "reader happy", if that makes sense.


Secondly, I just watched the movie Funny People, and I seriously think that it made me depressed. 2 hours of a sick comedian's life spiraling out of control? Great.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about depressing shit. I rather enjoy watching fucked up movies about drugs and gangs and crap like that. Not if I expect it to be funny though.


Thirdly, I'm about to slaughter my neighbors. Not only were they pounding on the wall with a hammer today, but now they're stomping around like a herd of cattle upstairs. Its really not difficult to walk lightly.


And lastly:

FUCK FOUR LOKO

*No, that is not me. My puke was blue and full of Funyuns.

VXS

Yesterday I really needed someone to talk to.

For the passed week or so, I've been having trouble sleeping. Going to bed at 4 or 5 in the morning because I just couldn't fall asleep, no matter how hard I tried.

Last night, I thought for sure that I would be able to sleep. We went to bed at 11 or so. An hour later, I was still tossing and turning. I couldn't stop thinking about Victoria.

To those of you who don't know about Victoria, she's a good friend of mine. We were best friends in 4th-5th grade. Then we started going to different schools, etc.

We were really tight.

She died about 6 months ago, back in May. I don't know who all reads, this, so I really don't want to get into details about what happened.

Lets just say it was extremely sudden, extremely unexpected, and extremely unintentional.

We were out of the country, when it happened, so I wasn't able to attend her funeral. I did, though, get to go to her 40 Day Memorial, which gave some closure, but not nearly enough.

For a while, I had been doing alright, more or less coming to terms with things.

Just every once in a while it hits really hard. Yesterday was just one of those nights.

Over and over again, I kept seeing my mom walk into my room and tell me that she had died.

It was unbelievable.

A few other things about the event kept circulating through my mind, I wish I could type them out, but again, I don't know who all reads this, so it's not appropriate.

Luckily a good friend of mine, Chris, is always just a phone call away. He was best friends with Victoria, too, so we talked about it a little bit.

That made me feel better.

It'll never get easier, though, I don't think.

You can face the realization, of course, but it just never gets easier.

Ho-lloween

Halloween is coming up.
Oh we're all so excited.

I'm in the process of trying to find a good costume.
Originally, I was thinking of being Jessica Rabbit, but we're having problems finding a good Roger Rabbit costume for Van.
Maybe I'll be a ghoul, from Fallout, or perhaps a Vault 101 resident.

But what I'm wearing is not the point of this blog.

I'm wondering why the hell some of these horrible costumes are made!
At this point in time, female costumes go something like this:

Is it an animal, an occupation, or a fairy-tale character?
Yes?
Okay, use only 2 years of fabric for the costume, add leg warmers and shitty plastic boning in the front.

"Wow! That's a great outfit! What a great idea, to be a hooker for halloween!"
"I'm not a hooker! I'm a lady bug!!! LOL!"
"Oh, I thought those spots were from your herpes! LOL!"

Seriously?


"Who are you this year?"
"Poccahantas! DUH!"
"Oh, Im sorry...I thought you were the girlfriend of one of the Village People..."

I remember, when I was a kid, my mom and grandmother made all of my costumes.

To this day, I don't think I've ever had a pre-packaged, store bought, cheap, skanky piece of shit.

I'm pretty okay with that, too.

Its really not that difficult to put together a good costume without looking like a complete ho.
Seriously! LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO ELMO!!!!

What the hell, bro... what the hell...

Because I'm A Heartless, Sarcastic Bitch

Another list.

I used to say that I thought I was a rather patient person. As my life goes on and I encounter more people, this theory seems to change a little bit. Perhaps morals are just different from what they used to be. Maybe people have just stopped caring. Who knows. I certainly don't. There are a lot of things that I see kids (and adults, for that matter) doing that I know for sure I would have gotten in HUGE trouble for if I did.
Not to say that my parents were strict, because they definitely were not; they just brought me up to generally be polite, courteous and have manners. I must say that for this I am thankful.

Sadly though, I see how people act these days and it sickens me. I don't mean to be "hoity-toity" or stuck up, but at the rate our race is going, we're about to drive ourselves into the ground.

So, now, it is time for another list!


SKELLYTON'S SOCIAL PET PEEVES 1. Playing music off of your cellphone in public.Whether you're sitting on the bus, walking through the mall or eating at a restaurant, you should NOT have your cellphone out playing your shit-quality MP3's for everyone to hear. Use some headphones. I don't want to know your "Top 10 favorite songs this week" while I am trying to enjoy me meal.I once had a couple come in to Ruby Tuesday's while Van and I were eating, sit down at the table across from us and play music through their cellphone throughout their entire meal. Should I have said something? Probably. Would it have made a difference? No. Why? They were friends with the waiter. Go figure. 2. Take up two parking spaces, because your car is "the shit".There is no need for you to double park your shit. If you do this intentionally, you are a pompous asshole. If you do this accidentally, you are a 16 year old girl that just got her license.Another time, while at the mall, Van and I encountered another bout of douchebaggery. It was a Saturday afternoon and the parking lots were almost all full at the movie theater. It took us at least 15 minutes to find a space, when finally, low and behold, there was one! We begin to pull our car up only to see that someone had very intentionally parked on the line. This irked me horribly. If you are worried about your car getting scratched or bumped, don't take it to the mall. Don't take it to the movie theater at the mall. Don't take it to the movie theater at the mall on the Saturday afternoon. And lastly, don't take it to the movie theater at the mall on Saturday afternoon in POUGHKEEPSIE NEW YORK. I hastily wrote a note that said "You;re car isn't THAT nice, asshole" stuck it on their windshield, then went and enjoyed my film. The end. 3. Pure and simple lazinessLaziness within reason, I can handle. Being so lazy that you cause more strain for someone else, I cannot. Laziness and ignorance go hand and hand, to me.Guess where I was for this one? Yep! THE MALL! Though, this time I was working. Sadly, this happens on a somewhat regular basis. A customer comes in, hustling like their ass in on fire, and comes up to me. They do not say "hi", they do not say "excuse me". The first thing out of their mouth is "I need 'x'". Now, 'x', is usually a CD of sorts. Let's say its The Rolling Stones.
"I need The Rolling Stones."
Usually in this situation, I would like to reply "No. You don't. You WANT the Rolling Stones. You don't need shit." But I don't. I don't say it. Usually, to be honest, I say "okay.""You'll be able to find it a lot faster than I will, I don't have a lot of time.""Its under "R" for "Rolling". All of our CDs go alphabetically.""Where is that?""Under "R". Comes after "Q" and before "S".""You need to show me."Jesusfuckingchristmaythisearthburnbeforemeandsufferonethousandfierydeaths.At this point, I stop whatever I am doing, walk over to the very predominantly labeled "R" section and point to the 4 to 5 rows of Rolling Stones CDs we have."Which one is the latest?""I don't know...here..."I then pick up a CD and look at the date on the back, explaining that CDs have a date on the back. I hand them the one that says "2010""Is this the latest one?""Yes. Its from 2010."They then walk away without a word. Apparently working in retail makes you sub human.

This post is getting far to long, so perhaps I will continue my list later on.

Jerkin Around

Today a man jerked off to my voice on the phone at work.


Yep.

You read that correctly.




As of recent I changed my position at work; instead of working on the floor, helping customers find the products they need, I became a sales operator and I answer the phones.

A co-worker of mine answered the phone and was trying to help this man, he started making her feel uncomfortable, so she put him on hold and transfered him to the department he was asking for.
This went around several times, as this... "customer" hung up multiple times.

Long story short, I ended up on the phone with him,
the man told me to talk "slower and slower", asked me round about questions and ask me directions on how to get to the store in a panting, raspy voice. All while Im laughing hysterically, and all while ending it with "I just blew my load..."
This of course, alarmed me as I said "EXCUSE ME?!"
He told me he was talking to himself.
I hung up the phone.


Fuckin creep.

What a day.


What.
A.
Day.







Strange, raspy pervert
Calling the retail sex-line
Go buy a laptop

Surprisingly Uncool

Today I would like to bring a sense of enlightenment to the seemingly very confused world. Perhaps its just Poughkeepsie that suffers from these horrible phenomenons, but just in case it is the rest of the world too, I will continue on.
Here I would like to remind people that just because you think something is cool, doesn't mean that it actually is.
Now, I by no means claim to be a cool person. I mean, honestly, I write a blog for Christ's sake. But still, there are some people out there that need to get a grasp on what is or is not socially acceptable. So, today I bring you:

THINGS PEOPLE THINK ARE COOL

1. Car-balls

I don't understand what makes these cool or funny. They're stupid and disgusting, plane and simple. Do you not have any of your own, so you feel the need to tack a set of fake junk onto your bumper? Come on, guys. Give it up. Neuter your pets. The last thing we need is a bunch of stray Hummers running around.

2. Tacky-ass Ghetto nails.

No matter what your occupation, if you have nails that are more than an inch long, you instantly look like you run the cash register at the local 7-11. And I am instantly going to assume that you're going to sell me a Slurpee. Wild Cherry, bitch.

3. Douche-Beard

Although it sounds like you might be a bad-ass pirate, actually HAVING a douche-beard simply makes you an ass. If you spent half as much time learning proper English as you did carving hieroglyphics into your head, you would be a much more respectable human being. Instead you look like you just allowed a lawn-mower to take creative freedom of your face.

4. Tribal Tattoos

Unless you're a Maori or fucking Tony the Tiger, you need to stay away from the tribal ink. You either look like a wrestler, or look like a frat boy. Neither of which are respectable personas for the day-to-day civilian. There is nothing else like having solid splotches of meaningless black ink over your body to say "I think I'm a bad-ass, so does my orange-tan girlfriend!" They're gggggggrrreat!

5. Plymouth Prowlers

A wedge of cheese on wheels. Enough said.



6. Keytars
Perfect for the kid whose mom made them practice hours of piano everyday before they could watch t.v. We all know that all you wanted to do was join a rock band. Just like we all know you will always be a total dweeb for the rest of your life. Keytar = significantly uncool.


7. 3-wheeled motorcycles

Too bad-ass for a 4-wheeler, too chicken for a chopper. Looking for the perfect balance? You didn't find it. Move along. You're a tool. Tack a side-car onto it and you'll be the whole hardware store.

I am pretty lost right now
in a way no GPS could help me
Kind of strolling about
with no reception
in a country where I don't speak the language.
I don't really know what to do with myself for the time being.
In between being very, very sad, I am also bored, confused and frustrated.
Help?

I think I came back to New York too early.
Should have waited another day.
But I had been gone so long that I wanted to see Van again.
And now I have to go to work, which I shouldn't, but I've been away for quite some time and have no money at the time being.
So I need to keep going.
and I need more jobs.
Looking at perhaps a bookstore?
That might be nice.
Since I like to alphabetize.

I Pose A Theory.

Today I had a horrifying experience.
As a Pagan and an ex-vegan, I still feel the need to treat nature well and with respect, regardless of the situation, but unfortunately work today seemed to focus mainly on the demise of small animals.
Working in a bakery, it is only natural to have mice show up now and again. To me, I figure as long as they aren't getting into the food and making a mess, it should be okay. Unfortunately, the entire reason mice go to places in the first place is so that they can get into the food and consequently, make a mess. Therefor the mice had to go. The proper way to handle this kind of situation would have been to order enclosed traps and relocate the mice to a nearby field, which we have plenty of. I do understand that there are 1. too many mice, and 2. not enough time to do this. So, in the end this means that they must be killed. As much as I don't like the idea of this, it is understood. Personally, I have no problem disposing of a dead mouse. To be honest, I am a little bit afraid of the living ones since I got bit by one as a kid. Though a dead one doesn't bother me. Since this is the case, I was elected head of Mouse Disposal Crew. Actually, I was the only member of mouse disposal crew, due to the fact that we have other things to do other than play with dead mice, and also that they had to be quickly removed since they were decaying and the whole place smelled horribly of dead rodent. Sad to say, I can identify the smell of dead rodent very well.
Moving right along.
As I go to dispose of what I thought would be one or two dead mice in snap traps, I find that my employers have decided to use the least humane form of trap possible: a glue trap. And little did I know that there were not one or two mice, but seven. Two of which were still a alive and stuck in the little gooey trays.
As previously mentioned, it was a horrifying experience to see the small creature staring up at me with its shining, beaded eyes, with it's nose and feet stuck in a thick layer of gel. It immediately began squirming and tugging in fear as I approached. Feeling there was no kind of polite way to dispose of it, I placed a paper towel over the entire tray, covering both the living mouse and the couple dead ones that lay stuck next to it. At this point I was unsure of what to do. Do I put it in the plastic bag and let it suffocate slowly? Do I quickly end it's life by stepping on it? I felt that the second would have been the nicer thing to do, but on the other hand who am I to play God and take a life? it is not my choice when something should die. So instead I tied it into the plastic bag and tossed it into the dumpster. Perhaps the poor creature will free itself from the trap and make its way into a safe dumpster haven. As unlikely as this is, I can hope. The only thing worse than the one still wriggling, was the small mouse that had to have only been a few days old. No larger than my thumb he stood stuck in the glue, ribs fluctuating with each panicked breath as my hand drew closer to pick up the tray. The saddest part of the whole experience was the fact that this small one began squeaking in terror, trying to escape. This was not something I would like to have to do again, although I do know that there is another glue trap in the back room.
Scary that this all happened by 7:00 am.
As the day progressed we had several, and by several I mean anywhere between 5 and 8 people woth arms bigger around than my head, come in to install our new proof box. How exciting. Lucky for me, my space was taken over and I had to relocate to a different table right in the way of every person that walked by with a huge piece of the metal box. Please note my sarcasm. We usually have seven or so people working at the same time in our bake shop, occasionally a dishwasher or another employee from a different part of the building will come in. Today we ended up with a total of 15 people in the room at once. Mind you, this bakeshop is not very large.
One of my co-workers then said "In a perfect world, we would be working at different times." Meaning the bakers and the men that were installing the proof box.
This then got me thinking "What is a perfect world?"
I pondered this thought for quite a while as I put danishes and cinnamon rolls on a tray.
I then finally come to the conclusion that we already live in a perfect world, everything is perfect as it is. This theory is still in the works, considering that I haven't had anyone to discuss this yet, but so far I can not think of a reason why this world is not perfect. Yes, I understand that each individual person is not perfect, but people as a whole are. But then you must break that down. Are only half of the people perfect? No, because no one is perfect. And if no one is perfect, then there is nothing above imperfect. We know nothing greater than imperfection. And if there is nothing greater than imperfection, then imperfection is indeed perfection. If there were anything that was indeed 100% perfect, that would then make something else obsolete. And obsoletion is imperfection. Imperfection is necessary for perfection. Again, I am still testing this theory and I welcome any criticisms and will answer or reply to them in later posts.

Teen Internet Suicide Volume 2

As many of you may already know, a few months ago a 13 year old girl committed suicide because of a fake myspace that one of her ex friends had made. This old friend had created a fake page, pretending to be a boy that was interested in her. This "boy" then told her that he didn't want to be friends with her because she wasn't nice to her friends, then started calling her things like a slut and fat. The girl took this to heart and ended her life.
The girl that made this fake myspace was assisted by her mother. So, basically, this woman helped her daughter bully another girl so badly she killed herself.
The news just said today that this mother has had her charges dropped and conviction removed.

I cannot explain how infuriating this is.

A full grown woman succumbed to middle school drama, created a fake myspace, and got another girl, her neighbor, killed.
If you look at their terms of service (which very few people do) it even talks about things like this.
"This Terms of Use Agreement...constitutes legally binding terms and applies to your use of the MySpace Services."


"The following are examples of the kind of Content that is illegal or prohibited to post on, through or in connection with the MySpace Services. MySpace reserves the right to investigate and take appropriate legal action against anyone who, in MySpace's sole discretion, violates this provision, including, without limitation, removing the offending Content from the MySpace Services, terminating the Membership of such violators and/or reporting such Content or activities to law enforcement authorities. Prohibited Content includes, but is not limited to, Content that, in the sole discretion of MySpace:

8.1 is patently offensive or promotes or otherwise incites racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind against any group or individual;

8.2 harasses or advocates harassment of another person;...

...8.7 constitutes or promotes information that you know is false or misleading or promotes illegal activities or conduct that is abusive, threatening, obscene, defamatory or libelous;... "




Telling someone that they are worthless and that people hate them until they kill themselves should definitely be considered harassment.

You can read both of the articles, the one discribing her death, and the most recent one, by clicking on the links above.

AAAAARRRRTEEEEEEEEEEEX!!

The empty hot chocolate mug is taunting me.
For some reason I have always been one to drink hot chocolate when it is really warm out and get cravings for ice cream in the winter. Never made a whole lot of sense.

Last update was the 20th, I see, quite a while ago that was!
Van took off of work for a week, so I felt no need to spend my time typing on a blog while he was here! my work starts tomorrow and in all honesty I do not look forward to this. The good news is I have to be there at 6, meaning I have to leave the house at 5 instead of at 4 like I had thought I would. Never is there a reason to complain about another hour of sleep.

yesterday we watch The Never Ending Story 2. Also known as "A Sad Attempt At Almost Trying To Make A Sequel But Failing Miserably"

I really don't think the same people even made it. The only actor that was the same, was the man that owned the book store. Even Falkor looked different and all of the character's voices were different people. It is quite evident that they did not even try.
We all know that the first movie consisted primarily of people screaming each other's names and that is about it, but of course it is a kid's movie from the 80's so one really couldn't ask much more than that.
Strange news though: there is rumor of a remake. This is indeed exciting.
Van and I decided that it will just be Alan Rickman as Falkor, in a dog suit, giving Shia LaBouf a piggy-back ride through the land of Fantasia, which I have decided is just a parking lot behind a Walmart with the streetlamps adorned with crepe-paper birthday streamers. The Nothing will be played by Johnny Depp and The Emptiness will be Helena Bonham Carter. Danny DiVito will be Morla, the giant turtle.
Sick. Sicksicksick.

Deja Vue Much?

I would not recommend reading this blog if you are planning on seeing the movie S. Darko.
Therefor, I suggest you read this blog, instead of watching such a horrid and monotonous flick.

Imagine this:
Take every event that happened in Donnie Darko, every little event, tweak it juuuuuuuuuust slightly, and make it...bad. A monstrous heap of shabby allusions
**Spoilers**

Burn down a building
Movie theater scene
Car wreck
Someone dies in a car wreck/gets hit by a car
Worm holes
Over-done fast motion cloud shots
Time travel, time travel, time travel
Giant bunny suit
"wake up."
Someone Sparrow
Count-down to the end of the world
Overly-Christian people

Its just one big, bad, reoccurring, poorly executed dream.
Take the acting, make it bad, take the "special effects" and make them worse.
And, of course, the main characters are total bitches.
If you liked Donnie Darko AT ALL, I highly suggest not watching this. If you've never seen Donnie Darko, still, don't watch it. Yes, it is that bad.

And if you go and watch the "making of", everyone involved even says that they were reluctant to do it, some cast members even said that they didn't want to be involved. They even KNEW that they should toy with such a thing. Too bad they didn't listen.




At least they didn't play Mad World...

At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.

-Salvador Dali

2 weeks from Friday I will be out of here. How exciting is this? VERY! I cannot wait. I've been living in a dorm room for far too long.

Yesterday my roommate and I discovered that you can change your language on Facebook to "Pirate". Its pretty funny, really, but gets kinds of hard to read and understand after a while. Requires a bit too much thinking for just looking on Facebook.

Salvador Dali's birthday is this Monday.

RANT

WHY IS ROBERT PATTINSON PLAYING DALI IN AN UPCOMING MOVIE?! This... is painful. It truly is. The guy that plays a dead wizard and a shitty vampire is casted to play one of the greatest artists of all time? Salvador deserves much better than this.

Little Ashes

Wretched...

It Has Returned

engrish.com one of the funniest websites of all time.

I just spent a few hours sitting here and coding all of this stuff for the new layout. It really isnt all that different, when it comes to the actual style, but all the colors and what not have changed. I haven;t dug into HTML and CSS in quite a while. (This is CSS, in case anyone was wondering.) I definitely get into this mode where nothing else really exists and there is nothing but numbers and letters and symbols. I can honestly sit here and stare at a screen for hours, just tweaking things around. It is a horrid addiction. I probably should have gone to school to be a web designer or something. I'm not horrible at it, really, and I certainly miss all the coding and what not. It is good stuff.
This is my 105th post.
I really did not think I would be using this site so much, but I am glad that I do. It gives me a way to vent or just say little things that may or may not matter to anyone else. Anyone could stumble upon this at any time and they may really enjoy reading these odd little quips that show up here and there.
I do apologize for the lack of interesting things. It really seemed to have gone better in the beginning, and now it just seems to be a day to day of my life, which no one is all that interested in hearing about. Such silly little things. A good one shows up every now any then.


anyhow.

Found a fun website

http://graphjam.com/

Have fun with that one.

And take note of the new little clickies at the bottom of this blog.
I believe they say "cool" "funny" and "interesting"
feel free to clicky.

Bitches Love Me 'Cause They Know That I Can Rock.

What an awesome weekend, really!
It started out rocky, because of my practical. I definitely did NOT do as well as I hoped. Applestrip is not my forte, apparently, but I did know that ahead of time. It's amazing what nerves can do to you.
I don't have a picture of what it's supposed to look like, but I do have a picture that shows what it did look like.



Jabba no like-a apple strip! Jee panwa waffmula chone patogga che lickmoomoo!



But then after class Van and I went to the movies and saw Wolverine.
Can I mention...the awesome?
It was pretty good. not my favorite of all of them, but it was really good none the less.
Deadpool was in it, so that just made it awesome. And Gambit.

We then came home, slept, woke up the next morning and lazed around for a bit, which is always really nice. The weather has been great.
Theeeeeeennnn we went to the Melting Pot. Aaaaahhhhh. Delicious. More food that we even knew what to do with. It was an incredibly nice night. And I definitely brought one of the fondue forks home.


And that's only 1/3 of it. talk about being a fat kid! Mmmmm.

We hardly made it home on such full stomachs. We definitely learned how contagious yawning really is.

Sunday was rainy, so no baseball, but we did have RP night and made food and kicked vampire ass.

DAMN.

I just went back and read what I wrote.

Starwars (mentioning Jabba the Hutt, and Huttese)

XMen (mentioning several of the characters)

RPing (self explanatory)

Vampires

I am the biggest nerd on the face of the planet.

But I digress.

I will spend most of the day packing up my dorm, since I am leaving in 3 weeks. it's about time that I start putting things in boxes and bags so it's not a complete disaster being put off until the last possible second. So I'll get a lot of my clothing packed up.

I'm really excited for my next class.

I finished cakes (just barely!)

and I am now going into Individual Production Pastries. My favorite!

it should be an awesome class.

Now, for something completely out there and incoherent. I only know of one, maybe 2 people that will understand this. Van and I talked a little bit about it yesterday, I believe.

I really wish people could know certain things about me. I really can't say or explain what they are, for my own safety and sanity, but lets call it an illness.

I really wish that the people I associate with, work with or come in contact with could see that I have this illness. It would help them understand why I act the way I do, do the things I do, say what I say. They would be able to understand my actions, everything would make so much more sense. it would be exponentially helpful to both myself and people around me, but it's really not that easy. Van made the point of saying that if everyone could see that I was this way, that would just give them one more thing to latch on to and pick apart. And this is true, but i would have to wonder if it would be worth it. It would almost be like wearing a medical ID bracelet that said I was bipolar, or something similar. People would understand why I act the way I do, but on the other hand it would be more likely that they would treat me differently, perhaps negatively, because they knew that about me.

But, they would understand little things like why I don't speak to people when I'm angry, why I act incredibly nonchalant when something goes wrong and why it seems like I don't care about anything. Why I paint, why I write, why I play music when something in wrong. Why I don't talk about my problems, ever. I know it upsets people on occasion when I don't tell them why I am upset or what is bothering me. It just goes with that. It goes with my nature, and it goes with my, for lack of a better term, "illness". If I could get rid of it, sometimes I think I would. But I have a feeling that someday I may need it for something. We'll see.

*BAMF!*

So This Is What Kids Do For Fun These Days...

While reading the news today, an article showed up that really suggests that scientists have too much spare time and they are getting awfully bored with their jobs.
Apparently some scientists in Korea have created a glow in the dark puppy. A virus that implants these glowing anemone cells was used in infect the fibroblast cells of a dog. They then transplanted the nucleus of the fibroblast cells into the nucleus of dogs cells. That was then put into a surrogate mother.
The scientists have claimed that creating this animal will help them research and discover different diseases that infect the human body.


Because humans and glowing dogs are so similar.


This is what happens when intelligent people have too much money and too much spare time.
What will they say next? "Oh, well, if we can get it to glow in the dark, what else can we do?"
Soon we'll have puppies with lobster claws and the ability to shoot webs. Because that will help us learn about the human body, most certainly.

Oh, glowing puppy

in the night-time you will thrive

guide me to the loo?

My Words Like Silent Raindrops Fell

Music can really do the silliest of things. It is said that smell is the strongest memory trigger, but I would have to say that music is. Yes, smell does trigger memories, but music triggers emotions that are attached to the memories.
I know that every time I smell fruit punch and popcorn I think of the movie theater that I worked at, but every time I hear "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" I think of the people at the movie theater and when this kid there was singing it. I don't know, perhaps it works in two totally different ways.
But, I know that I can no problem smell certain soaps, horse barns, or shampoos without a problem, but I can't listen to My Chemical Romance without gagging, even though they were a favorite band of mine.
I can also smell lunch meat, but can't listen to Less Than Jake.
Its really unusual how things work, I guess. Maybe I don't quite understand it yet. I just think that music holds far more memories and emotions than smells do. But then again, it must work in a different way.
I am rambling and not thinking clearly at the moment. Lets pretend I didn't write any of that.

I have marzipan roses to make! Boooo.
After being out of class for two days I do have bit of catching up to do.

I wonder what ever happened to Brittany Spencer?