"I believe I could be a valuble asset to your team"

If ever there is a zombie holocaust, I would not survive.
I would die. Straight up. And I know it. I'm not going to deny the fact that I would be zombie chow. And I'm okay with that.
Well, no. Not really. I'm really not okay with that at all.
What am I talking about?!

BUT
I can tell you this:
If ever there is a zombie holocaust, though I would probably not survive, I could tell you how to.
If there is anyone that would know how to survive a zombie attack, it would be me.

See, I'm not such a fast runner and I've never held a gun in my life. So when the time came where I would have to whip out a shotgun and blast some zombie skulls, I probably wouldn't be able to stand up, due to the recoil. And the fact that I have horrible aim doesn't help in the least.
But, on the other hand, I could tell you what kind of guns you need and where to shoot.
I would be able to tell you that you probably dont want to light the zombies on fire, because then not only do you have flesh-eating, virus infected, mindless people running you down, they're also on FIRE. If for some reason you do catch them on fire, avoid running through a corn feild to get away. That might be a mistake.

I could tell you what you need to armor your bus with. (yes, you use a bus.) I could tell you what to do if you got bit. (Either amputate that shit or blast your head off.)
You have a zombie question, I've got the answer.
Just don't expect me to live through it.

When it comes to zombie movies, the people do everything the hardest way possible.
See, all they have to do is
1. go to the mall and ask the mall goths what to do
2. go to game stop. Everyone there will know
3. search basements for computer, movie, and comic book nerds.

They all know just what to do!

SALVATION!