Feel Free to Skip This One. The Other Two Are More Interesting

It's funny how the past sneaks up on you out of nowhere.
One minute, you think that everything you left behind is nothing but dust. Old map markers a few pages back. Then, suddenly it's in front of you again, whether you like it or not.
Its like something that was burned to ashes suddenly rematerialized, plain as day, as if it had never been engulfed by the flames you set to it.
Disgusting.

But inevitable.

This past month and a half has been nothing but that feeling.
Things resurfacing. A cancerous relapse.
Everything that I thought I shed, crawling back over my fresh skin.

I've returned to square one.


As much as I hate to admit it, there hasn't been a day that I haven't cried for the past 20-some days. Frankly, I grow weary of it.

My heart is tired of hurting. The weight of it makes it seem like stones could float with ease in comparison.


It sucks that this blog is turning into more of a diary. Occassionally that happens, but that is not my intention. Hopefully it'll seen be back to the angry, yet interesting jots and tiddles that it used to be.

As of right now though, this might be the only place I have to turn.

See, I'm not looking for advice, I'm not looking for help and I'm not looking for opinions. There are plenty of people that are offering that. It's just simply not what I'm looking for.
At this point, I just need to get everything out. Something is telling me that I time will come where I won't be able to convey my feelins properly, but this will be here to do so. This is just a fallback, I guess.

As I started writing this post, my intention was actually to review a CD that I just purchased. Funny how things start to tie together. I suppose I had best get on that.


Until next time.

You Don't Even Want To Know

I will start by apologizing for the negativity that is seeping from every crooked letter and every punctuation in this post.

These past few days may have been some of the worst days of my life.

What makes it even worse is the fact that I can't even write about it here due to potential legal issues.

The other day I was flown to Texas to testify in court.

First I had to drive to Philadelphia, which is no big deal, as this happens about once a month.

From Philadelphia I flew to Houston, Texas. No big deal, right? Wrong.

The flight was connecting, of course, so I could get to my actual destination. Unfortunately, though, that flight left 20 minutes after my first flight touched ground. God knows it could take 20 minutes just to get off of a plane. Naturally, my first flight was ten minutes late. Fantastic.

Finally I made it in and went to the gate, which turned out to be changed. The new terminal was "all the way across the airport", according to one of the not-so-accommodating staff members. So, off I ran, taking the train for the second time to get to the proper terminal. Did I get there? Yes. Did the employee tell me the right terminal? No. Of course, I had to hope back on the plane and finally made it to the proper gate.

Just in time for the plane to be leaving.

I missed my freaking flight.

So, after more frustration, my flight was switched and I had to fly to Dallas. Then from Dallas, to my destination.

It was a nightmare.

My feet hurt, my stomach was sick, I hadn't slept in 36 hours and I had to face what felt like a reoccurring nightmare.

We will shorten this whole, lengthy story by saying I was driven to the court house, testified then spent the night and the next day in a large hotel. The court case did not go at all as planned. If anything, it was the complete opposite of what we were hoping for.

In the hotel, the food was mediocre and I found fleas in my room. Luckily I got my room switched and got to watch cable for a while, so that was good.

The next day I was driven back to the airport, hoped on a tiny jet, flew back into Houston, then went back onto another plane to Philly. That flight was filled with screaming, shrieking, whining children and a lady that chomped on her gum as if she were a goat.

The whole situation was a horrible, horrible nightmare that still has my eyes watering when I think about it too hard.

Another few days in Philly to recover, then back to New York.

Honestly, I'm not even writing this post so people can read it, but more for my own well-being. it just sucks that I can't even write what I want to.

Recently I haven't been able to talk to Van much, not just because of not being home, but because of work schedules and just issues.

He has so many of his own problems that I can't help but feel like I am a complete and total burden to him more than anything else.

Not too long ago we got new that we were going to have to move out of our apartment. Van will be moving into his family's house, I will be moving into my friends' house.

Thanksgiving is going to be crappy, and Christmas is going to be even worse. I'm dreading every upcoming moment for the next 6 months.

There is just too much going on right now for me to handle and I don't know what to do.

I can't get a hold of my best friend, either, so I really feel like I have no one right now.

Sure, I have my parents, as I'm staying in their house, but as soon as I leave here and go back to New York, I'm going to be completely alone again.

I don't feel like writing anymore.

There's Tears In My Grits!

Long time no blog, it seems.
It is very nice to know that we now 100% have our very own internet! So there is no longer a need to steal it from my neighbors next door.
I will be working today at 6:00 until 10:00, which in all honesty seems like a royal waste of time. Why? Because its four hours. Also, Van gets home an hour after I leave the house. Which is a shame! But, this gives him time to watch Paranomal Activity, which I can far, far to afraid to watch. I know I will be seeing things for weeks. He can also watch District 9, because I definitely don't want to see that.
Moving right along, it has been a silly passed few weeks. Working working working due to the holiday season (which what magnificent, by the way). Yesterday we got sushi and rented movies. Finally saw the most recent Harry Potter. Whoop-de-freaking-do. What happened to half of the chapters?!
Alas, that is literature-to-film for you.
Clearly I have had far too much time on my hands lately, considering I have spent the majority of it on *chan sites, further proving to myself that there truly are absolutely terrifying people in this world. Because of this I am now finding ways to arm myself in the best ways possible.
My house is a filthy mess and I should certainly spend more time cleaning it. But its to the point of where I look around and immediately get depressed and have no desire to move what so ever because it is so messy and overwhelming. Little steps. Little steps at a time.
To add more video games to the collection, I got Van a Wii for christmas. He has been playing Mario and we have both been playing Rockband. I can only sing and play the drums. Not so good at the guitar bit though, which is funny because I play real guitar. Who would have thought.

To add some spontaneity to things, here is my list of the top ten worst places ever to go while you have a hangover:


1.Hibachi restaurant
as if it wasn't bad and loud enough sober, there is nothing like the sound of banging metal-on-metal, and overly-enthusiastic Japanese chefs to make your head throb even more.

2.Bowling Alley
Not only do you get to endure the continuous clashing of toppling pins, but you also get to smell the nauseating aroma of shitty pizza, fake cheese, and feet.

3.NASCAR Race
Four hours and screeching tires and burned rubber, spilt beer and rednecks. Yeehaw.

4.Babysitting
"I WANNA WATCH DORA!"
"I wanna fucking slit your throat...."

5. 3D IMAX Theater
Nothing cures vertigo like watching 400ft tall dolphins leap toward your face to the sensual sounds of Enya.

6. GWAR Concert
As if you hadn't dealt with enough alcohol the night before, now your get to deal with alcohol, alcoholics, AND fake blood, all while being violently thrashed around.

7. Your Significant Other's Grandparent's House
There's not better way to make a great impression than to mumble incoherently and not look at anyone.

8.Chuck E Cheese
On top of the bright lights, whirring arcade games and more stale pizza than you know what to do with, you'll also have the wonderful joy of dealing with hundreds of screaming kids and a large dancing mouse. Perfect.

9. Pink Floyd's Darkside of the Moon Tribute and Lightshow
Even worse, if you had to pay for the tickets, and you definitely didn't want to go in the first place. Never forget the smell of a fog machine. Never listen to Pink Floyd again.

10. Work
You feel like shit, you're somewhere you don't want to be even when you're sober, you're not making enough money and you're doing something you most certainly don't want to do.


Ta-da!

ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

I have 68 hours to have everything packed and be OUT of my dorm room. This isn't even funny.
We just got the news that there needs to be a deposit for electric. awesome.
I have 15 minutes before class. So much to do. Not nearly enough time for any of this. Thankfully we're finishing desserts today, tomorrow we get them all ready for grand buffet, which isn't too bad. Then on Friday we have graduation where we will be helping serve the food for the graduates.
And on top of this, I am getting an AWESOME ear infection.
Hooray.
Hopefully I'll actually have something positive to write about soon.
But. I will have pictures of the apartment to put up soon.
Maybe some pics of me and Van?
I don't know if I want all you creeps to know exactly what I look like.

(See, right here I would normally put a winking smiley face, but I hate using those in blogs.)
Anyway, gotta run.
Time to put the mirror glaze on some lemon lime curd & cream cheese mousse.