There Ain't No Rest For the Wicked

Sagging, tired eyes

What is this thing you speak of?

"Sleep" is what it's called?

I've lost count of how many days it has been since I've slept well. Going to bed at 6:30 am isn't cutting it. For some reason I keep tossing and turning.

Luckily enough, I've been able to keep myself busy.

So far I've nearly completed my Fallout 3 Laser Rifle prop for my Halloween costume. The rest of my outfit is ready to go. Same with Van's.

The other night I worked the midnight release for Fallout New Vegas. What a wonderful time!

Of course I left the store with my collector's edition copy, I haven't had a chance to play it though.

After leaving the midnight release a little later than 1 am, I drove a friend of mine home, then picked up my other friend, Jason, and we drove to Philly.

In the pouring rain.

At 2 am.

Several Full Throttles, a NOS, a Rockstar and a Venom later....

We got to my parents' house at 6 am, just as Dad was leaving for work.

Almost immediately we went to sleep, just to wake up in 4 hours then drive an hour into Center City.

There we waited at the Rock School of Dance to audition to work at DISNEY WORLD!

This was very exciting.

I figured, though, that we would just do some minor acting auditions and get an interview. I was sorely mistaken.

And sore in general.

Turns out we had to dance for approximately 3 hours. Almost non-stop. After being so exhausted (and sick from drinking all those poisons on an empty stomach that morning...), dancing was the LAST thing I needed to do. I was certain that I was going to faint.

The auditions were out at 5 pm. I felt confident and sweaty and ready to collapse.

With eyes drooping and heads nodding, we finally made our way home, ate dinner, then watched the extremely disappointing Scream Awards.

At 8 o'clock this morning, we woke up and made our way back to New York. Traffic was awful, due to ungodly amounts of construction.

I dropped Jason off at his house, then went to Planet New York and added on to my tattoo.

Now, I'm home, sitting on the couch, typing this with my eyes closed, ready to fall asleep. Maybe I'll make cookies for Van tonight, since I just got some chocolate chip cookie dough from Mom.

Or maybe I'll just lay on the floor until someone scoops me up with a giant spatula...

This Entire Society Needs Rehab.

There have been many many posts around the internet about the state of modern music.
We all know that it is god awful. We all know it is nothing but autotune. We all know that it takes little to no talent to "make it" in the musical world these days.
But there is no point in beating a dead horse.

THOUGH.

I would like to touch on it for just one moment.



Not only is music shitty as all hell,
but the majority of it is sending a wretched message.


It is amazing how even when someone isn't paying attention to what they're listening to, it still sticks in their mind.


I noticed this the other day while I was walking through Michael's.


In the process of purchasing leather string and clamps for jewlery, I heard a young girl, about 7; her brother, about 5; and her mother.

As I was making my selection, I heard the tiny girl's voice singing "Your love, your love, your love is my drug!"



This made me absolutely sick.

First off, that the girl was singing such a stupid thing, secondly, that the mother didn't tell her to shut her little mouth and keep such trash out of it, and thirdly, that her mother let her listen to that putrid, rancid shit in the first place.


Putrid.
rancid.
shit.



I guaruntee you that my children will NOT listen to such wretched music. Especially at that age.
Whether the song is about "love" or not, the last thing I want is my daughter to be admiring some coked out trashy whore or supporting her music.

I need to stop writing about this.
This sickens me.

Teen Internet Suicide Volume 2

As many of you may already know, a few months ago a 13 year old girl committed suicide because of a fake myspace that one of her ex friends had made. This old friend had created a fake page, pretending to be a boy that was interested in her. This "boy" then told her that he didn't want to be friends with her because she wasn't nice to her friends, then started calling her things like a slut and fat. The girl took this to heart and ended her life.
The girl that made this fake myspace was assisted by her mother. So, basically, this woman helped her daughter bully another girl so badly she killed herself.
The news just said today that this mother has had her charges dropped and conviction removed.

I cannot explain how infuriating this is.

A full grown woman succumbed to middle school drama, created a fake myspace, and got another girl, her neighbor, killed.
If you look at their terms of service (which very few people do) it even talks about things like this.
"This Terms of Use Agreement...constitutes legally binding terms and applies to your use of the MySpace Services."


"The following are examples of the kind of Content that is illegal or prohibited to post on, through or in connection with the MySpace Services. MySpace reserves the right to investigate and take appropriate legal action against anyone who, in MySpace's sole discretion, violates this provision, including, without limitation, removing the offending Content from the MySpace Services, terminating the Membership of such violators and/or reporting such Content or activities to law enforcement authorities. Prohibited Content includes, but is not limited to, Content that, in the sole discretion of MySpace:

8.1 is patently offensive or promotes or otherwise incites racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind against any group or individual;

8.2 harasses or advocates harassment of another person;...

...8.7 constitutes or promotes information that you know is false or misleading or promotes illegal activities or conduct that is abusive, threatening, obscene, defamatory or libelous;... "




Telling someone that they are worthless and that people hate them until they kill themselves should definitely be considered harassment.

You can read both of the articles, the one discribing her death, and the most recent one, by clicking on the links above.

The Best Thing That Could Be Happening

Here is my 50th post. Just to give myself a bit of a boost, I'm going to go through the goods and bads in my life. Lets check it out.

The Goods

1. 
   
   1. I'm actually doing well in school for the first time in a long time


2. I'm actually enjoying the time I have at school
3. 
   
   I have some of the most supportive friends I have ever had. We can just sit around and bullshit, talk about important things, or go out. Anything.


4. 
   
   My family and I are getting along really well, despite the stupid shit I sometimes do.


5. 
   
   I have an awesome boyfriend that treats me well


6. 
   
   I'm starting to realize that I deserve to be treated well. This is new for me


7. 
   
   I get along with all my roommates and we have so much fun together


8. 
   
   I'm starting to get my life straightened out


9. 
   
   I don't hate myself as much as I used to


10. 
    
    I make awesome angel food cake


11. 
    
    I wake up with a smile almost every day


12. 
    
    I;m learning to work around the big problems in my life


13. 
    
    I'm teaching myself guitar and I love it. I can actually play songs now!


14. 
    
    My health is in check. I'm not really ill or anything


15. 
    
    I've learned to ask for help when I need it, I've stopped trying to do so much on my own


16. 
    
    I've removed a lot of drama from my life, so it things are a lot less stressful


17. 
    
    I've learned to start taking more chances and live life a little bit more.


18. 
    
    I don't feel ugly all the time anymore.


19. 
    
    I haven't smiled this much in a long, long time.


20. 
    
    I quit smoking for the most part

The Bads

1. 
   
   I don't really eat as much as I should.


2. 
   
   I drink too much, but I'm trying to stop.


3. 
   
   Michelle lives far away.


4. 
   
   I'm running low on cash.


5. 
   
   I wish I had better relationships with my siblings.


6. 
   
   I've lost quite a few friends recently due to arguments and dramatic situations.

Over all I would say that things are going very well. I'm happy with where I am in my life right now. Things really look like they're turning around for me. And, when it comes to the bad things, I can fix most of them with time. I can't control when Michelle comes back, but she will, I can't do a whole lot about the not having money, but I can try, and if those friends don't want to be friends with me anymore, there isn't anything I can do about that either so I just let it go. But, I can stop drinking, with a little help, I can talk to my siblings more, and I can start eating more, which I have already done. I get up and eat lunch with my roommates almost every day now. So it's all going to be okay.

Woohoo!

"Everbody just...pretened to be normal, okay? Like everything is normal here."

The suicidal gay uncle, the heroin addict grandfather, the over-achieving father, the mute son, the daughter that just wants to please, and the mother that tries to cope with it all.

These are all extremes, but really every family is like the main characters of Little Miss Sunshine.

I continue to think about this as I watch the movie. Every one's family is so crazy, but so normal at the same time. Every family has problems, every family has a slightly unhinged member, every family goes on some kind of whirlwind adventure at one pointt or another. Its really very interesting to think about it. Not every family has a gay suicidal uncle that is depressed yet scholarly, but they still have the family member that will desperately need some kind of help but is no longer trusted. Everyone may not directly have that mute son, but there is still the family member that wants nothing more than to get as far away from everyone as possible. Every family has someone that has an addiction, or a problem, but they still want the best for everyone else. But everyone does not have heroin addict grandpa. As I watch this movie, I think about how despite the dramatization, the Hoover family is just like every other family. Just as crazy, just as disheveled,just as problematic.

The only difference is that every family doesn't have a yellow Volkswagen bus.

LOOK! GRANDMA'S UP TO BAT!

My dad got my mom a Wii for Christmas. And I'm happy about that. I couldn't really afford to get anyone anything good this year, and I feel bad. I would have bought that Wii if I had the money to , but I just don't. I was going to do it anyway, but Mom probably would have returned it. So I got her a Carrie Underwood CD and I got my dad a book and some candy. They seemed to like that... so that's good. The games are pretty cool, even though it is a Nintendo... (Here is where you're supposed to imagine a menacing glare.)
My mom seemed to really like it. She played for a few hours, actually. Then made dinner. Then played more. Haha. The best part is that you can make little characters to look like you, or however you want, So we made them look like my mom, my dad, my grandma and grandpa, our neighbor friends, and then I made them look like the guys from My Chemical Romance, and the band members from Mindless Self Indulgence. I must say that it is pretty hilarious seeing my grandmother step up to bat, hit a double, and then see Gerard Way dive for the ball. It seems like its going to be a fun system to have.


They got me a lot of nice things, too. Lots of winter clothes, which is good because I don't have any at all. I only have short sleeve clothes and all of my jeans are three years old, at least. So that was really nice. And they got me books. I love books. It doesn't seem like it really, because I don't seem like a very smart person, but I actually really like reading. I got The Great Gatsby, The Old Man and the Sea, The Chocolate War, and Nick And Norah's Infinite Play List. My friend Julie told me that Nick and Norah's... is a good book, so I guess I'll see. I'm just happy that I got The Great Gatsby. I also got a handful of Cd's, which is always perfect, Got Famous Monsters by The Misfits! It has all the songs that they sung at the concert, so it's wonderful. I got a few others things too, but I don't really find it necessary to talk about all of it, because honestly I feel guilty that I couldn't get everyone nicer things. I had almost 15 people to shop for and I really just don't have the money to buy all of that. Hopefully I'll get a good job and makes good money and be able to buy people cool things. I don't know. Or maybe I'll just have to make people presents for the rest of my life? We'll see...

"OH! I REMEMBER! STAR WARS! FIGHTING WITH LIGHTSABERS!"

So my mom wants a Wii.
I think it's pretty funny.
The Starwars game is the one she thinks would be fun.
The thought of it is slightly scary.
Here is a short poem.

Fun or dangerous

Mom fighting with lightsabers

The Starwars Wii game