Bacon. Brownies.

Most exciting things!

I made bacon brownies and Moutain Dew cupcakes!

The brownies turned out surprisingly well. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect so I just made a test batch of 4. I must say, they were quite good!
Bacon brownies with chocolate maple frosting. Its a wonderful thing.

The Mt. Dew cupcakes turned out alright too. They were kind of ugly, so I do have to work on the colors a little bit. But other than that, they were wonderful!

Just in case.

If you are interested in purchasing them, you can find them at www.pixelpastries.webs.com.

Now I just need to continue my quest for old action figures!
Yay!




Fun fact of the day:

The letter "e" is the most commonly used letter in the English language. The novel Gadsby, by Ernest Vincent Wright does not contain the letter "e" throughout the entire book.

Surprisingly Uncool

Today I would like to bring a sense of enlightenment to the seemingly very confused world. Perhaps its just Poughkeepsie that suffers from these horrible phenomenons, but just in case it is the rest of the world too, I will continue on.
Here I would like to remind people that just because you think something is cool, doesn't mean that it actually is.
Now, I by no means claim to be a cool person. I mean, honestly, I write a blog for Christ's sake. But still, there are some people out there that need to get a grasp on what is or is not socially acceptable. So, today I bring you:

THINGS PEOPLE THINK ARE COOL

1. Car-balls

I don't understand what makes these cool or funny. They're stupid and disgusting, plane and simple. Do you not have any of your own, so you feel the need to tack a set of fake junk onto your bumper? Come on, guys. Give it up. Neuter your pets. The last thing we need is a bunch of stray Hummers running around.

2. Tacky-ass Ghetto nails.

No matter what your occupation, if you have nails that are more than an inch long, you instantly look like you run the cash register at the local 7-11. And I am instantly going to assume that you're going to sell me a Slurpee. Wild Cherry, bitch.

3. Douche-Beard

Although it sounds like you might be a bad-ass pirate, actually HAVING a douche-beard simply makes you an ass. If you spent half as much time learning proper English as you did carving hieroglyphics into your head, you would be a much more respectable human being. Instead you look like you just allowed a lawn-mower to take creative freedom of your face.

4. Tribal Tattoos

Unless you're a Maori or fucking Tony the Tiger, you need to stay away from the tribal ink. You either look like a wrestler, or look like a frat boy. Neither of which are respectable personas for the day-to-day civilian. There is nothing else like having solid splotches of meaningless black ink over your body to say "I think I'm a bad-ass, so does my orange-tan girlfriend!" They're gggggggrrreat!

5. Plymouth Prowlers

A wedge of cheese on wheels. Enough said.



6. Keytars
Perfect for the kid whose mom made them practice hours of piano everyday before they could watch t.v. We all know that all you wanted to do was join a rock band. Just like we all know you will always be a total dweeb for the rest of your life. Keytar = significantly uncool.


7. 3-wheeled motorcycles

Too bad-ass for a 4-wheeler, too chicken for a chopper. Looking for the perfect balance? You didn't find it. Move along. You're a tool. Tack a side-car onto it and you'll be the whole hardware store.

There's Tears In My Grits!

Long time no blog, it seems.
It is very nice to know that we now 100% have our very own internet! So there is no longer a need to steal it from my neighbors next door.
I will be working today at 6:00 until 10:00, which in all honesty seems like a royal waste of time. Why? Because its four hours. Also, Van gets home an hour after I leave the house. Which is a shame! But, this gives him time to watch Paranomal Activity, which I can far, far to afraid to watch. I know I will be seeing things for weeks. He can also watch District 9, because I definitely don't want to see that.
Moving right along, it has been a silly passed few weeks. Working working working due to the holiday season (which what magnificent, by the way). Yesterday we got sushi and rented movies. Finally saw the most recent Harry Potter. Whoop-de-freaking-do. What happened to half of the chapters?!
Alas, that is literature-to-film for you.
Clearly I have had far too much time on my hands lately, considering I have spent the majority of it on *chan sites, further proving to myself that there truly are absolutely terrifying people in this world. Because of this I am now finding ways to arm myself in the best ways possible.
My house is a filthy mess and I should certainly spend more time cleaning it. But its to the point of where I look around and immediately get depressed and have no desire to move what so ever because it is so messy and overwhelming. Little steps. Little steps at a time.
To add more video games to the collection, I got Van a Wii for christmas. He has been playing Mario and we have both been playing Rockband. I can only sing and play the drums. Not so good at the guitar bit though, which is funny because I play real guitar. Who would have thought.

To add some spontaneity to things, here is my list of the top ten worst places ever to go while you have a hangover:


1.Hibachi restaurant
as if it wasn't bad and loud enough sober, there is nothing like the sound of banging metal-on-metal, and overly-enthusiastic Japanese chefs to make your head throb even more.

2.Bowling Alley
Not only do you get to endure the continuous clashing of toppling pins, but you also get to smell the nauseating aroma of shitty pizza, fake cheese, and feet.

3.NASCAR Race
Four hours and screeching tires and burned rubber, spilt beer and rednecks. Yeehaw.

4.Babysitting
"I WANNA WATCH DORA!"
"I wanna fucking slit your throat...."

5. 3D IMAX Theater
Nothing cures vertigo like watching 400ft tall dolphins leap toward your face to the sensual sounds of Enya.

6. GWAR Concert
As if you hadn't dealt with enough alcohol the night before, now your get to deal with alcohol, alcoholics, AND fake blood, all while being violently thrashed around.

7. Your Significant Other's Grandparent's House
There's not better way to make a great impression than to mumble incoherently and not look at anyone.

8.Chuck E Cheese
On top of the bright lights, whirring arcade games and more stale pizza than you know what to do with, you'll also have the wonderful joy of dealing with hundreds of screaming kids and a large dancing mouse. Perfect.

9. Pink Floyd's Darkside of the Moon Tribute and Lightshow
Even worse, if you had to pay for the tickets, and you definitely didn't want to go in the first place. Never forget the smell of a fog machine. Never listen to Pink Floyd again.

10. Work
You feel like shit, you're somewhere you don't want to be even when you're sober, you're not making enough money and you're doing something you most certainly don't want to do.


Ta-da!

I Pose A Theory.

Today I had a horrifying experience.
As a Pagan and an ex-vegan, I still feel the need to treat nature well and with respect, regardless of the situation, but unfortunately work today seemed to focus mainly on the demise of small animals.
Working in a bakery, it is only natural to have mice show up now and again. To me, I figure as long as they aren't getting into the food and making a mess, it should be okay. Unfortunately, the entire reason mice go to places in the first place is so that they can get into the food and consequently, make a mess. Therefor the mice had to go. The proper way to handle this kind of situation would have been to order enclosed traps and relocate the mice to a nearby field, which we have plenty of. I do understand that there are 1. too many mice, and 2. not enough time to do this. So, in the end this means that they must be killed. As much as I don't like the idea of this, it is understood. Personally, I have no problem disposing of a dead mouse. To be honest, I am a little bit afraid of the living ones since I got bit by one as a kid. Though a dead one doesn't bother me. Since this is the case, I was elected head of Mouse Disposal Crew. Actually, I was the only member of mouse disposal crew, due to the fact that we have other things to do other than play with dead mice, and also that they had to be quickly removed since they were decaying and the whole place smelled horribly of dead rodent. Sad to say, I can identify the smell of dead rodent very well.
Moving right along.
As I go to dispose of what I thought would be one or two dead mice in snap traps, I find that my employers have decided to use the least humane form of trap possible: a glue trap. And little did I know that there were not one or two mice, but seven. Two of which were still a alive and stuck in the little gooey trays.
As previously mentioned, it was a horrifying experience to see the small creature staring up at me with its shining, beaded eyes, with it's nose and feet stuck in a thick layer of gel. It immediately began squirming and tugging in fear as I approached. Feeling there was no kind of polite way to dispose of it, I placed a paper towel over the entire tray, covering both the living mouse and the couple dead ones that lay stuck next to it. At this point I was unsure of what to do. Do I put it in the plastic bag and let it suffocate slowly? Do I quickly end it's life by stepping on it? I felt that the second would have been the nicer thing to do, but on the other hand who am I to play God and take a life? it is not my choice when something should die. So instead I tied it into the plastic bag and tossed it into the dumpster. Perhaps the poor creature will free itself from the trap and make its way into a safe dumpster haven. As unlikely as this is, I can hope. The only thing worse than the one still wriggling, was the small mouse that had to have only been a few days old. No larger than my thumb he stood stuck in the glue, ribs fluctuating with each panicked breath as my hand drew closer to pick up the tray. The saddest part of the whole experience was the fact that this small one began squeaking in terror, trying to escape. This was not something I would like to have to do again, although I do know that there is another glue trap in the back room.
Scary that this all happened by 7:00 am.
As the day progressed we had several, and by several I mean anywhere between 5 and 8 people woth arms bigger around than my head, come in to install our new proof box. How exciting. Lucky for me, my space was taken over and I had to relocate to a different table right in the way of every person that walked by with a huge piece of the metal box. Please note my sarcasm. We usually have seven or so people working at the same time in our bake shop, occasionally a dishwasher or another employee from a different part of the building will come in. Today we ended up with a total of 15 people in the room at once. Mind you, this bakeshop is not very large.
One of my co-workers then said "In a perfect world, we would be working at different times." Meaning the bakers and the men that were installing the proof box.
This then got me thinking "What is a perfect world?"
I pondered this thought for quite a while as I put danishes and cinnamon rolls on a tray.
I then finally come to the conclusion that we already live in a perfect world, everything is perfect as it is. This theory is still in the works, considering that I haven't had anyone to discuss this yet, but so far I can not think of a reason why this world is not perfect. Yes, I understand that each individual person is not perfect, but people as a whole are. But then you must break that down. Are only half of the people perfect? No, because no one is perfect. And if no one is perfect, then there is nothing above imperfect. We know nothing greater than imperfection. And if there is nothing greater than imperfection, then imperfection is indeed perfection. If there were anything that was indeed 100% perfect, that would then make something else obsolete. And obsoletion is imperfection. Imperfection is necessary for perfection. Again, I am still testing this theory and I welcome any criticisms and will answer or reply to them in later posts.

Like A Fish.

Today it was discovered that things taste so much better when they are drunk from a mug.
A lack of cups caused this small theory to be tested and I found that it was proven true.
Water from a cup seems very bland, but, when it is a short ceramic cup with a handle, it is a delicious and flavorful beverage!
Although the above statement is not entirely truthful, I can say that drinking from a mug does make it more enjoyable. Same goes with chocolate milk and cranberry juice. I have not yet tried with anything carbonated or alcoholic. I do remember as a child drinking milk from a mug on occasion. But then again I also remember drinking soda from a sippy-cub when I was 16. perhaps I am degenerating?
The only reason why it would taste better is because it is in a smaller portion, therefor making it less boring and monotonous. Perhaps things taste even better from shot glasses? Though I do know that everything would taste better out of these shot glasses.
Anyhow. I still have at least 7 more 6 ounce glasses of water to drink today.