I Do Not Exist!

Lucky for me I haven't lost my tarot reading ability! I still remember all of the cards and their meanings. I did four or so reading last night and it really was a reliefe how easily everything came. Some people I can throw down thier cards and read em like a book, for others, its not that easy. But yesterday it was generally very good.
I hung out with Hilda, Jackie, Jay, and Vlad and we read cards and danced and talked and it was great. Then Van came over and Hilda, Jackie, Jay and Vlad went to a party.
Hilda teaches me spanish sometimes! its really fun, I hope to learn more. She will teach me spanish, I will teacher her tarot. She has very strong energies.

I had my practical yesterday. I got on A on the written and an A on the baking part. I made a spongecake and remember to put the oil and vanilla in it this time (forgot the day before!) got an 8/8 on it and my chef said "wow, this is perfect. I couldn't make one better" then I got a 7.5/8 on my pastry cream, and then 6.5/8 on my pate a choux. So I got an A. I took my spongecakes and just made a 4 layer cake with the pastry cream and Van is going to bring chocolate icing so I can frost it and make a 4 layer boston cream cake. Haha. Yay cake!

I was just thinking about live TV. What happens if someone on live tv does something that needs to be censored? How do they do that?

And I just discovered perhaps the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. http://www.faeriecon.com/
Its in philadelphia. Or, philadelphia has one. The photographs are amazing.
I think I shall go sometime, only if Michelle will go with me!!!

Soup&Pants&FriedRice&Cake&Icecream&Bubbles&CDs&Strippers

I must say that I thoroughly enjoy soup and pants day.
Sometimes during the week, my buddy Vlad and I will sit around and watch movies and just have a great time. Yesterday we just sat in my room and blew bubbles and listened to music and ate cereal. it was really an awesome time. We wrote a wall of funny things that have happened and that we have said. Then we took a whole bunch of pictures. Today he gave me a sheet of paper with all of them printed on it. It was really great.
Girls night was on Friday. That was really fun. My roommates and I just watched Knocked Up and sat around and ate icecream and talked and had a great time. Some kid gave me shrimp fried rice and it was fantastic.
And then, last night, I went to Zac's birthday party. It was pretty awesome. I got in a borderline fist-fight with Zac and am covered in bruises and rug burn, Van some how ended up naked in the kitchen as my friend/brother walked in, Chux's mom tried to get with me, I ended up covered in green icing, and I have a new-found love for baked ziti. It was a really great time. I made a mix CD for Zac and it is freaking awesome. it goes something like this:

1. Vampire Breath - Dr. Acula
2. Safety Song -Tsunami Bomb
3. Open Book - The Rakes
4. Time Bomb - Rancid
5. Love Demon - Los Gatos Locos
6. Brown Eyed Girl -Reel Big Fish
7. Julia - The Horrorpops
8. Gentlemen - mewithoutYou
9. Pretty Rave Girl - I Am X-Ray
10. The Beer - Kimya Dawson
11. Lean on Sheena - Bouncing Souls
12. I Can Walk On Water, I Can Fly - Basshunter
13. Hypnotized - Notorious B.I.G
14. Your Retro Career Melted - The Faint
15. Bruises - Chairlift
16. Darkwave Surfer -Aural Vampire
17. Days Go By - Dirty Vegas
18. Gunpowder: A Ballet -Dr. Manhattan
19. (this one was a secret song, I didn't write what it was on the list. its Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley)

Each song gets longer and longer as the CD goes on. its pretty awesome.

Then, this morning, I left from the party with Van and we went out to get breakfast. As I ate my sandwich, this old lady kept staring at me and wouldn't leave me alone. It was so incredibly frustrating and awkward. She kept looking at me as if I were the Antichrist or something similar. I nearly got up and started strip-dancing on her table, just to be obnoxious, but I didn't. Someday I will do something like that. but until then I shall sleep and it will be wonderful. Goodnight, blog.

OH! Today was Soup and Pants day, too and Vlad and I watched Stranger Than Fiction. Gotta love Maggie Gyllenhaal. She is delicious. A delicious ginger baker with tattoos. That will be me someday!

"A magician makes the visible invisible. A mime maks the invisble visible.”

I have 6 followers on here, I think only one or two actually ever read these, and I'm honestly okay with that. When I write, I don't really write for other people, but because I want to write something down. But I do enjoy it when my things get read. I really hope I can find more interesting things to write about.

OH!

Okay. here's one:

Van and I have a date planned:

Mimes.

We're going to be mimes. Dress like mimes, act like mimes. We're going to be mimes and go grocery shopping.

Now, if I were walking through the grocery store and I saw some people dressed as mimes getting their produce, I would honestly have to laugh. Its like.. old Panic! At The Disco meets Supermarket Sweep. AWESOME.

We need to find someone to videotape all of this. If we do, I will so post it on here. It shall be a good day.

Those Pies Sure Do Put Up A Fight, Chef...

I had my ass royally kicked by a bunch of pie last night. I'm not even kidding. 3 kinds of pie crust, 3 kinds of filling, topped, baked and finished, scaling out puff pastry dough and mixing sweet roll dough, plus lecture in 5 hours. Can I just mention that I ALMOST DIED?! I decided that I was going to make a chocolate cream pie, because I'M A GOOD GIRLFRIEND and that's what Van mentioned that he liked. And I was the only one that made chocolate pastry cream and I scaled it all by eye and pretty much invented a new recipe (turned out pretty good though. wooohoo). Hopefully the whole pie turns out nice. Also made coconut custard and strawberry rhubarb. In the end, I finally finished, exclaimed "YATTA!" and wanted to collapse.
"Those pie sure do put up a fight, chef..."
"Yes. They do."

Experience The Bittersweet, Taste Defeat, Then Brush My Teeth.

Made awesome scones today. Ten points for Gryffendor!
Today was damp and gloomy and I do not understand this weather.
See, usually, it snows, the snow falls, it goes on the ground, it stays there, and then turns to slush. Today its more like snowSLUSH! Before it even hits the ground. Its ground slurry. Just add to boiling milk, you'll have pastry cream. Ew. You know you're at culinary school when you say things like that. Haha.


So I had this long coversation with Vlad the other night. We sat and talked about death for a while, about being afraid to die because we don't know what its like to not exist. I decided that it can't be so bad. Everyone has to do it. Dying can be no worse than living. I don't know. It was just a conversation we had. I'm really not afraid to die anymore. Woot.



more animals

The Beer by Kimya Dawson

The beer i had for breakfast was a bottle of mad dog and my 20/20 vision was fifty percent off. You said punch-buggy red and punched me right in my left eye, i said don't you mean pediddle? and i lit his house on fire. He came home on acid i was holding his shotgun. i was dressed like tina turner in beyond thunder dome. He said don't shoot, i said i won't i love you you're my friend. i handed him my wig and shot myself in the head. then i stuffed a box of tissues in the hole in my skull, i got in my mazda and i drove to the mall. i got a big johnson shirt and some silicone tits, when i pulled out the tissues they were covered with shit. and the beer i had for breakfast was a box of cheap white wine and the boom box on my shoulder was a box of clementines. i ate every single one without noticing the mold. you said "you're gross my darling", i said "no i'm rock and roll". even though i'd never ever been in a band i got cool as black ice tattooed on my hand. and the christians gave me comic books as if i would be scared of burning in hell well i was already there. and the beer i had for breakfast silver bullet in the brain and the beer i had for lunch was a bottle of night train and the beer i had for dinner was my crazy neighbor's pills. we had to sit down on skateboards jut to make it down the hill. then i peed my pants and you stole the groom's cigar and some old man made me watch him masturbate locked in his car. when i got back to the apartment you were face down on the floor. you said "don't go to bed yet let's go get a 64" and the beer i had had for breakfast was a pint of jim beam and a fifth of peach schnapps and some warm sunny d. and you said "bottoms up" just as i bottomed out. i tried to scream fuck you but blood was pouring out my mouth. evan dando never planned on telling you the truth and your leonardo i.d. card is your fountain of youth. you can be a teenager for your whole fucking life, just find some pretty sucker and make that bitch your wife. i guess by now you all know my friends danny broke his neck, he was driving home from sirens when he got into a wreck. first i cried for him and then i cried for me, haunted by the ghost of the girl i used to be. but the rocks with holes are warm in my hands and i buried my toes in the hot hot sand and the silver pink pony kisses me and says "you've come a long, long way and you deserve to be really happy."

The Best Thing That Could Be Happening

Here is my 50th post. Just to give myself a bit of a boost, I'm going to go through the goods and bads in my life. Lets check it out.

The Goods

1. 
   
   1. I'm actually doing well in school for the first time in a long time


2. I'm actually enjoying the time I have at school
3. 
   
   I have some of the most supportive friends I have ever had. We can just sit around and bullshit, talk about important things, or go out. Anything.


4. 
   
   My family and I are getting along really well, despite the stupid shit I sometimes do.


5. 
   
   I have an awesome boyfriend that treats me well


6. 
   
   I'm starting to realize that I deserve to be treated well. This is new for me


7. 
   
   I get along with all my roommates and we have so much fun together


8. 
   
   I'm starting to get my life straightened out


9. 
   
   I don't hate myself as much as I used to


10. 
    
    I make awesome angel food cake


11. 
    
    I wake up with a smile almost every day


12. 
    
    I;m learning to work around the big problems in my life


13. 
    
    I'm teaching myself guitar and I love it. I can actually play songs now!


14. 
    
    My health is in check. I'm not really ill or anything


15. 
    
    I've learned to ask for help when I need it, I've stopped trying to do so much on my own


16. 
    
    I've removed a lot of drama from my life, so it things are a lot less stressful


17. 
    
    I've learned to start taking more chances and live life a little bit more.


18. 
    
    I don't feel ugly all the time anymore.


19. 
    
    I haven't smiled this much in a long, long time.


20. 
    
    I quit smoking for the most part

The Bads

1. 
   
   I don't really eat as much as I should.


2. 
   
   I drink too much, but I'm trying to stop.


3. 
   
   Michelle lives far away.


4. 
   
   I'm running low on cash.


5. 
   
   I wish I had better relationships with my siblings.


6. 
   
   I've lost quite a few friends recently due to arguments and dramatic situations.

Over all I would say that things are going very well. I'm happy with where I am in my life right now. Things really look like they're turning around for me. And, when it comes to the bad things, I can fix most of them with time. I can't control when Michelle comes back, but she will, I can't do a whole lot about the not having money, but I can try, and if those friends don't want to be friends with me anymore, there isn't anything I can do about that either so I just let it go. But, I can stop drinking, with a little help, I can talk to my siblings more, and I can start eating more, which I have already done. I get up and eat lunch with my roommates almost every day now. So it's all going to be okay.

Woohoo!